08 December 2009

Tiger Went Down To Perkins And Saw A Woman In Perkins. . .

AP, 8 December 2009: Fire department medics responded early Tuesday to a 911 call at Tiger Woods' Orlando-area home and took an adult to the hospital. An emergency dispatcher took the call from Woods' home at 2:35 a.m. and transferred it to Orange County Fire Rescue, Orange County Sheriff's Office spokesman Jim Solomons told The Associated Press. An adult patient was taken to Health Central Hospital in Ocoee, the same place Woods was treated after he crashed his sport utility vehicle outside his home last month, fire rescue spokeswoman Genevieve Latham said. The patient's condition was not immediately known.

Man, Tiger’s life is heading into Mike Tyson territory. . .

I would have to guess the woman taken to the hospital was Woods’ mother-in-law. . .if that proves to be the case, then it looks like Tiger’s insatiable lust for white women with big fat fake titties, and the domestic chaos resulting from his secret fornications being exposed, has stressed his mother-in-law to the point of hospitalization.

Hey, Tiger, think your old lady is mad now, with you banging every low-rent white tramp that crosses your path? Just imagine if your swinging dick has caused your mother-in-law to have a heart attack. . .hmmn, what’s the price tag on that divorce??

Listen, here is the dilemma for many, many men. We’d love to fuck everything that moves. . .and when that hole is right there in front of us, we are under its spell. . .and we do not spend one single fraction of a second pondering the consequences. What if we are caught? What happens to our family? How will I appear in the eyes of my children? Does not even cross our minds. Does not even cross our minds. The furthest thing from our minds is the consequence of fornication. We just dive right into that strange hole.

Luckily, most of us are not in the position of Tiger, being able to pick up any piece of strange that crosses our path. . .our adulteries are kept within our hearts.

All the hassle, all the drama, all the family misery he has caused will likely allow Tiger to keep his pants zipped. . .for a while. . .I would guess he will be able to patch his family back together, with solemn pledges to be a better father and husband, etc. And whenever he feels the temptation to sneak off with a waitress or hotel maid, he will remember all the 911 calls, etc. and will, by force of will, resist banging some white temptress. But time destroys everything, and there will be a day, when time has lessened the trauma of this current drama, and Tiger will figure he can be smarter this next time, and he will resume his addiction to white tramps. . .guaranteed. No way out of the cycle. . .unless he knows Jesus Christ and is granted deliverance (but that’s a whole other can of worms).

Look how Samson ended up. . .blind, under a pile of rubble. . .all because he:

Went down to Timnath, and saw a woman in Timnath of the daughters of the Philistines.

Tiger went down to Perkins and saw a waitress in Perkins. . .

[By the way, golf is a stupid, stupid *sport*].

Tiger is still going to be rich, he’s still going to be a famous golfer (?!?!), but I bet right at this very moment, he has a great understanding of Proverbs 22:1:

A GOOD name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favour rather than silver and gold.

UPDATE: AP, 8 December 2009--Tiger Woods' mother-in-law was admitted to a hospital with stomach pains early Tuesday, a hospital spokesman said.

It was the mother-in-law, but not a heart attack. Uh, how much will the mother-in-law's ulcer cost Tiger? $10 million to the revised prenup??


  1. Tiger Woods is the face of America, clean on the outside dacadent on the inside.

  2. Yes, America is a whited sepulchre, no doubt about it.

  3. I think we'd have an easier time if we just made a list of cocktail waitresses, reality TV vixens, and blue-film stars who Tiger Woods hasn't slept with.


  4. I remember having a collection of Bible stories on cassette with a accompanying book. The illustrations were fantastic and the voice work was good. I see they made them VHS tapes in 1997. My favorite was Samson and Delilah. http://www.amazon.com/Greatest-Adventure-Samson-Delilah-VHS/dp/6302368863

    I remember pleading with Samson every time to learn his lesson after Delilah's three attempts to rob Samson of his power. "Don't tell her about your hair!", I would plead. But to my horror, he told the betraying woman his secret every time. Man, it was upsetting. I started taking to only listening and reading along till the part about him letting his secret go.

    I loved the kicking Philistine ass and setting the tails of foxes on fire to destroy the crops. This was clearly a determined guy. But I figured his mistake was every trusting a woman. Hah, that was the lesson I took.

    I should have learned the bigger lesson that only Jesus should be trusted. One cannot even trust himself. This flesh is too weak, even the "good" flesh is all too human. All too weak. Tiger can go on and on about how sorry he is and do all the Barbara Walters and People covers; it doesn't matter. Only Jesus Saves.