23 March 2016

The Witch and 10 Cloverfield Lane

I seen two movies recently, and a couple things about 'em bother me:

The Witch: So it's 1630 or whatever and Satan ain't got nothin' better to do than go possess some beat-up old black goat and prank some nobody family of gullible Puritan New England sod busters?  I mean, was the world already so thoroughly damned Satan didn't need to bother messing with Louis XIII or Phillip IV?  It'd be like Rasputin choosing to cast a spell over some grubby St. Petersburg washerwoman instead of the Tsarina. . .what's the point?  It don't make sense. . .

But, anyways, it's not terrible. . .but don't bother watching it if you are expecting a *horror* movie. . .it's more a drama of religious paranoia and a character study of those overly-pious Luke 13:4 types who see The Hand of God at work every time someone slips on a banana peel.   There are a couple of arresting *shock* scenes tossed in, the hi-lite being a witch engaging in some barnyard follies with a goat, but these profundo rosso moments don't fit with the rest of this otherwise gloomy fifty shades of Decalogue melodrama.   

10 Cloverfield Lane: At the end of the movie the damsel in distress uses a little itty-bitty Molotov cocktail to kill a Monster that caused some kinda airborne ecological disaster that killed shitloads of people. . .so. . .uh. . .doesn't the United States' $666 billion military have, like, a cruise missile or something that coulda 86ed the Monster from the git go????  (Huh?  Oh.  Right.  Sorry!  Guess I shoulda used one of them *Spoiler Alert* thingies.)  

Yeah, but, anyways. . .this one is pretty terrible.  A *big* part of the problem is Big John Goodman's character.  You're supposed to feel the damsel in distress is in distress at being locked in a bomb shelter by, and with, Big John Goodman during the Last Days. . .but the damsel in distress never really seems to be in true distress, because Big John Goodman's character is more goofball than menacing psycho.  He likes to cook and do kitty jigjaw puzzles, for crying out loud!  No tension, and the, I guess, intentional humor of goofball Goodman's character isn't really that humorous.  This one's a misfire from beginning to end.

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