29 July 2025

Day 15

In a moment of heroism and bravery, I disregarded the 91° heat and drove to the bum park to snap some daylight pictures so I could complete my faux missing person investigation. I texted the pics to the lady with the wayward son, along with this message (photo 2 is the one above): I showed the bum on the left in photo 2 one of the pictures of your son.  He's never seen him, but he added this comment: pretty fella like dat ain't have no problem gittin' one uh de university faggots to take him in fo a few days, long as he dues what's expeck-ed.  Of course, no such conversation occurred.  That’s an example of the illness. So small, in my regard, in relation to other of my misdeeds, I wouldn't even register it as illness, or a crime, unless specifically trying to diagnose myself. Had I not been conducting this field experiment, trying to scientifically document my illness, I would not have thought twice about it, nor registered it as a crime against humanity, which it was. I deliberately lied, in the hope of compounding her existing anxiety about her son by planting the suggestion in her mind he may now be a rent boy. What a horrible thing to do. Small, yes. But horrible. Done only for a brief moment of the sadistic pleasure of cruelty (probably not nice of me to take the bums' photo, either, and involve them, without their consent, in my mischief). This, of course, points out the folly of my scientific study. Trying to determine the triggers of the illness, and note the circumstances when it flowers into crime?  The answer is obvious. The reality, as my missing person investigation-turned-assault proves, is that every day I live is a crime against humanity. I can’t speak for others, can make no claim for the universality of the condition, but I would not be surprised if I am not alone. I could even prove I myself was a victim, a lesser victim, but still a victim of the lady I victimized in the missing person investigation, in an attempt to posit universality, but why add pettiness to my list of crimes?

Intensity: 100%

Frequency: Every day.

Factors: CASE CLOSED.

28 July 2025

Day 14

I was going to drive to the bum park and snap some daylight pictures, and conclude my faux missing person investigation. But it was just too hot. 91°. I decided it would be better to spend the afternoon and early evening in an air-conditioned movie theater. The choice of films reflected the astounding decline in the American film industry. A Superman movie, a Fantastic 4 movie, a car racing movie, a dinosaur movie. I picked the I Know What You Did Last Summer remake, which is so bad I am typing part of what will be today’s entry from inside the theater. I am about twenty-five minutes into the movie, and it is an incredible and artless bore. Earlier, I was at the concession counter. Three *people* standing behind the counter did not notice me until, several moments later, I alerted them. A fat white girl was struggling mightily to open a box of straws. A young white male was doing some unknown thing to the popcorn machine. A black male was staring at his phone. “Does anybody who works here work here?” I axed. The fat girl gave up on the box of straws and provided me some minimal customer service. I have now returned home and no longer have any desire to say anything else about Day 14. I did no harm other than to myself.

Intensity: Nothing.

Frequency: All zeroes.

Factors: When I was a teenager, the 1970s, American film was truly first-rate.  Now it is shit.  

27 July 2025

Day 13

I spent many hours, well, some time, at least, pondering the question [here is the framework: a lot of people, maybe most people, intentionally or unintentionally, hurt other people because the action through which they hurt other people gives them pleasure. However, like the euphoric high from a narcotic or stimulant, the pleasure is short-lived. Often the resulting guilt and/or depression lasts much longer than the pleasure. Some few of these people will even try to reform themselves. They understand the pleasure is brief, and alters nothing of the fundamental nature of their life, and oftentimes complicates it to a high degree. Yet despite this knowledge, over and over and over again, throughout a lifetime, a person will intentionally or unintentionally hurt another person for its brief reward.]: why would I do a harmful thing knowing the action provides no lasting benefit? Is life so grim a few moments of pleasure must be stolen from somebody’s well-being? Some people’s lives are undoubtedly that grim. But most of us, no. Why do *it?* The final truth of the answer, after boring down through boredom, self-pity, temporary biological or psychological urges, biological or psychological defects, is life is NOT experienced as a supernatural event, what some religious or primitives call a precious gift or miracle. If we thought life was a treasure, we would act more carefully toward others. It is probable many people view their own life as a treasure, but cannot see equal value in the other. Jesus said all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them. This is the fundamental law we violate without ceasing (admittedly, many may violate it by less injurious means than myself or others, but violate it all do). This means, in simple terms, we love ourselves, and hate others. The question is, then, not why would I do a harmful thing knowing the action provides no lasting benefit, but why do I not do it even more frequently? I have no genuine regard for the other, but I hold back from possible consequences. If I knew I could act freely, how low I would go. Am I alone in this? This is probably as much insight as I will ever have. As long as I am chained to this body, I will be subject to its forces, forces I am unable to change, forces I endure as long as I remain interested in avoiding consequence. It can be physically and mentally exhausting to endure these forces, and eventually we take a break, especially as we do not comprehend the victim as being of the same value.  It is my opinion this is a universal component of human nature (this is the root of the illness of which I have been speaking for the past 13 days, with the fever being the signal we are ready to take a break from enduring the forces of our flesh.  Of course, we must mention the flowering of the illness, in acts of abuse, vary greatly from person to person. To mix the metaphor, no two snowflakes are alike).

Intensity: 94 degrees outside today.  Too hot to get worked up about anything.  At least, until the sun goes down.

Frequency: You run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking, racing around to come up behind you again.

Factors: We must now determine the factors influencing the frequency of the illness.  Is it primarily environmental stressors that modulate the forces of our flesh?  If not, wouldn't we abuse the other on a regular schedule (unique, of course, to the individual)?

26 July 2025

Day 12

As I was driving down to the bum park last night I realized that lady on the phone never asked me how I was or what I’ve been doing or any of that shit. No contact in twenty-five years and just demands a favor like I borrowed ten bucks from her yesterday!  Although I have done some horrible things, I still think I am better than everybody. LOL.  Maybe I am?  What if all my problems in life are because I have never realized who I truly am?  I am my own worst enemy.  Look at me, sacrificing my time to do this stupid favor for a selfish bitch.  In the unlikely event I see her son, I'll stab him in the heart.  JK.  I don't even have a knife.  I am proud to say I do not have, nor have I ever had, a weapon of any kind.  I'm not a pussy.  I've went through life on nothing but faith.  Of course, no people on earth have more faith than the Palestinians. These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off, and were persuaded of them, and embraced them, and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth.  Who is that, but the Palestinians?  Naysayers, white naysayers, anti-Christs, might say the Palestinians had no choice but to have faith, and therefore their faith is not genuine.  These naysayers say this while they run off to get chemotherapy to treat their cancers, so terrified are they of their impending deaths.  Anyway, I parked a block from the bum park.  I felt like Harry O on the job as I went through the park.  Nobody even remotely resembled the bitch's punk son.  See this loser:






 










I went up to him, held up my phone with a picture of the stupid bitch's idiot son.

"You ever seen this white boy?"

The loser gives me a stupid look.

"Huh?"

"I ax the questions.  You seen him or not?"

"You a cop? What is this?"

"Maybe he offered to blow you for ten bucks?"

"What?  Get outta here!"

I took a bunch of photos.  I took enough photos from different angles, bums in little groups, so I could make it look like I was there two or three different times.  I'll text them to the bitch, a couple a day for three days, I'll drive by one afternoon and take a couple daylight shots from the car.  LOL, it's more than most people would do.  I took this one purely for artistic reasons:

 















I call it: Fruit Box At Night In Bum Park.  Anyway, I woke up today in a peculiar mood, with a mild illness fever.  I wanted to abuse somebody.  Why?  What would trigger this?  Why would I want to degrade somebody, pervert them, soil them?  Why cannot I properly internalize all the Lord Jesus Christ did?  I should be harmless as a dove.  Obviously, I am not.  

Intensity: Mild.  Will need to avoid certain stimuli.

Frequency: This is Day 12.  All things considered, it hasn't been bad.  Of course, I have went have much longer, sometimes years, without the illness flowering into significant malignancy.

Factors: Need to contemplate the question which has forever bedeviled God's people.    

25 July 2025

Day 11

I’m just now waking up. It is 4:25 PM. LOL. I received an unusual phone call in the middle of the night. Or early in the morning. However you look at it. The ringtone woke me up at 3:16 AM. I know that time is the same everywhere. But in the caller’s mind, time was ‘three hours earlier’ because they were sitting in the state of Oregon. I was too tired and, frankly, too surprised to receive the call to correct the caller. The caller was a female I worked with decades ago. She was a co-worker. We flirted with each other on the job to kill time. She weighed too much for me to ever seriously consider fornication. Anyway, as she began explaining something to me, the reason for her call, I was extremely surprised as well as tired. Why on earth would this person be calling me after at least twenty-five years? She was saying something about her son when I interrupted her. “How did you get my phone number?” That’s all I gave a shit about. LOL. She was telling me something about her son in what seemed a somewhat unfortunate situation, yet I wanted to know how it could be possible for her to have the means to bother me in the middle of the night. Or early in the morning. However you look at it. “( ) gave me your number.” Yup. We text each other during football season. We are Michigan fans.

Me and ( ) and the lady on the phone worked at the same place. It surprised me that ( ) and the lady on the phone were still in touch. ( ) had never once brought her up in the last ten or so years we have been texting about Michigan football. Then again, why would he? But then again then again, why would he feel he could give out my phone number? That irritated me. This is all gonna make me sick, I thought, this kind of irritation could provoke a mild fever that could burn into something big. All the while I’m thinking these things over, the lady on the phone is explaining a thing to me.  A thing about her son. I am comprehending what she is saying even while I am thinking my own thoughts. I will synopsize what this broad was taking a long time to say: I lived in the town where her son was last seen. Local authorities were of no help to her. So she wanted me to go to a certain spot he was seen at, go twice a day or night at random times and see if he was there, or anybody was there who “looked like they could help.” I laughed out loud at that last part. I said without thinking, blurted it out really, "I’m supposed to just talk to some stranger and say 'can you be of help,' like, what to some old lady, some kid, some bum, just anybody?"  "I DON’T KNOW." She literally shouted. At 3:30 in the middle of the night. Or in the early morning. Whatever. There was a pause in the conversation. Not that it was much of a conversation. There was a pause in her talking at me. I just sat there in my bed. This was unexpected. The timing. I don’t believe in coincidence. I’m in the middle of recovery, trying not to relapse, trying to ward off illness. Trying to save people from me. I couldn’t help but think this was meant to fuck me up somehow. “Just feel it out, OK?" she finally says. “Oh-kaaay,” I said. I’ll synopsize the rest of the shit: she told me how old her son was, she told me about the circumstances that led to this stupid shit, she told me about the person who claimed to have seen him at the location I was supposed to go to, she said she would text me a couple of pictures of her son, if I would just go a couple of times for the next three or four days, she knew it was unlikely anything would come of it, but at least she could tell herself she tried. As she said this last part I was thinking well, she could’ve flown out here, got a hotel room and been at this place all day but I kept that to myself. Maybe she was poor.  I don’t know. Whatever. I wouldn’t have the kind of money for that kind of shit.  Anyway, I agreed.  After the call was finally over, it took me forever to fall back asleep.  I ain't going down there now.  There would be nowhere to park.  I'll go late tonight.  Take a quick look.  LOL.  Stupid.

Intensity: Zero.  Sub-zero. LOL.

Frequency: Dormant.

Factors: This will take my mind off my own illness.  That is good.  But. . .this location the son might have been seen at is the bum park downtown.  If I should happen to see one particular female bum down there, this could all become problematic.  There will definitely be an opportunity to commit a crime.

24 July 2025

Day 10

I woke up today and it was already hot.  It's 5:30 pm now and 95 degrees.  No AC in this council flat.  Too hot for the illness to flower.  In this heat a person cannot summon the energy to be criminal, unless directly provoked.  Whenever it is hot like this, and I sit and sweat in my council flat, I forbid myself from feeling unfortunate.  I imagine the people being exterminated.  Slowly, cruelly exterminated.  What have I to grumble over?   Perhaps wickedly (certainly without justification), I congratulated myself for not being a tribesman or a tribal supporter. Their crimes are demonic. My illness is piddling in comparison. It doesn’t even exist in comparison. It can’t be seen. An entire nation participating in a ritual sacrifice. And the Western world denies or looks away. There are still hundreds, perhaps thousands of Christians there under the vicious rule of the tribespeople. When Jesus was crucified only John and a few women stood by. As tribespeople are torturing and murdering, Christians among the victims, the church is nowhere to be seen. Why should I then trouble myself over my illness? So what if I hurt one here, hurt one there, bother one here, bother one there, shame one here, shame one there? Why trouble myself? I cannot be certain I was chosen before the foundation of the world, but I can be certain I was not if I do not hate my life in this world. The effeminate Western clergy and their pew-warmer cultural Christians and *traditionizers* will contend Jesus did not mean what He said and did not say what He meant when He said we must hate our life in this world. They are liars who love the world, love their life in the world, fear death and do not believe in eternity. Probably all nicer people than me, LOL.
There is nothing more pitiful than a human being who denies Christ. What are they really saying? I’m OK as I am. I did the best I could. On balance, I’m good. It wouldn’t be fair to damn me because I don’t believe I need Christ, especially since the Higher Power has been so coy about all these things. My illness brings me to Jesus. Look at the sick people in the New Testament. They did whatever they could to be near Him. They heard His voice. Heal me! I believe! they cried. Look at all the nice people who dismiss Jesus. LOL! I’d rather die in the gutter than live thinking I was OK. Jesus, despise not my prayer though You know me to be a sinner, but spare your people from the demonic tribesmen.  

Intensity: Zero.

Frequency: Dormant.

Factors: Instead of illness, I feel dread.  That I already passed away.  That the last eruption, the last flowering of the illness was fatal.  The death seed was planted.  The dread is the death taking root.  It is not the death I dread, but the dying.  Having to speak of it with four or five people.  The hassle, having to placate or accommodate them.  But why take thought of this now?  Why let tomorrow's burden ruin today?  

23 July 2025

Day 9

Cranked out a reply to prison correspondent. It was tough. There was nothing of interest in his letter. Just a commentary on the Menendez brothers’ case, and the implications it has for his case. Usually his letters are more interesting, full of praise and questions concerning white actresses (both porn and so-called *legitimate stage or screen*). Anyway, I replied with my unsolicited thoughts about President Trump’s welcome threat to arrest Obama. Very few people need to be in prison more than the war criminal Hussein Obama (who should also be investigated for the suspicious deaths of at least two homosexuals who were close associates). Anyway, the trap from Day 8 is still in the process of being escaped. I was sloppy. I assumed since I locked myself in my home, I was safe. Therefore, my guard was down and I was suckered into a situation that could end in madness or death. I have no doubt this will seem a preposterous exaggeration to anybody who stumbles across these words. But that is only because you do not know the context. In yesterday’s entry I stated:

I will never be specific about the crimes or the illness. It doesn’t matter, and would only upset the tiny number of people who can stand me.

That was not entirely truthful. There is an additional reason.  By not being specific, I encourage any reader who happens across it to assume the worst, as that is what is most common to human nature.  I also desire, though am not certain of its success, the reader to judge themselves favorably against me.  But merely imagining a hypothetical reader judging themselves favorably against me makes me rejoice.

The Lord answers prayer.  Driving home today from the Plasma Donation Center, I saw this:
















I was immediately sick at heart.  My soul grieved for these little ones.  They have no idea of the horrors that await them.  I am much, much further down the road than they.  I know their futures.  The pain and suffering they must endure made me weep.  I am old and hardened, at this stage my own misery amuses me, you see how it pleases me to write of it.  But these little ones are not calloused.  They are still fresh in this Hell.  They have likely only received a few kicks yet.  The reality of their future anguish released me instantly from the trap of Day 8.  On their behalf I spat in Satan's face, and he fled.

Intensity: I survived a rather feverish 48 hours.  

Frequency: Abating.

Factors: Yes, I survived a rather feverish 48 hours.  But at what price?  The knowledge of the agony the little ones must suffer is a hard coin to mint.

22 July 2025

Days 6, 7 & 8

Day 6:

I stared at the wall for two hours and sixteen minutes. I was trying to *remote view.* It did not work. I saw nothing but the old paint on the wall. Maybe I should paint the wall? Red or black. Maybe both. Alternating stripes. Or just random patches. I probably won’t, though. Too much hassle. Brushes, moving shit around, covering shit. I then scrolled TV for close to sixty minutes looking for a movie to watch. Ended up watching The Dirty Dozen on Tubi. I’ve seen it many times. It’s one of the few war movies that isn’t shameless propaganda. The heroes are the unrighteous. John Cassavetes’ character is my favorite. First time I saw the movie, when I was well past being a crybaby, I wept when his character died. I had to be at least 18 years old. But my next favorite character was Telly Savalas’ A.J. Maggott. His charcacter is what many anti-Christs think most Christians are, LOL. Anti-Christs, LOL. Anyway, the movie reflects the world’s complete denial of the eternal. What the world fights for, the reason the world fights, all temporal. Complete temporality. I have to live in a temporal system. This may be a contributing factor to my illness.


Day 7:

Worked a little more than I usually do. Felt like committing a crime later in the evening. Began researching it. The world is one enemy, as we noted yesterday in our discussion of the world’s denial of the eternal. The second enemy is the flesh. In our flesh dwells no good thing. My skin literally crawled with putrescence. The flesh is temporal. Like the world. It has to be fulfilled NOW. We all have sicknesses of the flesh, they vary, but no person is immune. So I laugh at self-proclaimed Christians who finger-point. So I was researching the crime (I will never be specific about the crimes or the illness. It doesn’t matter, and would only upset the tiny number of people who can stand me), and I groaned in my spirit. I remember Vanessa Redgrave, in the beautiful The Devils, self-flagellating. It can provide a temporary cure. I put a plastic bag over my head, tightened it around the neck with Gorilla tape. After about forty-five seconds I felt cured.


Day 8:

We. . .LOL. . .I mean, I mentioned the world and the flesh as enemies. The third enemy is the Devil. Very, very hard to distinguish what is the Devil. In terms of the illness. Of course, most of it is me. Just like most of it was Judas. But apparently Judas needed one last little nudge. But did I ever need a nudge? It would be dishonest to say I know this for certain. But the Devil is real. If you think this world system developed naturally, without supernatural influence, you give human beings too much credit. Anyway, today I will not leave the house. I say house, it is not a house. It is a *council flat,* a poor person’s housing unit. I will not leave the unit. I will not even look out the window. I got a letter today from a fellow I correspond with who is in prison. I’ve mentioned his letters in earlier entries. His illness landed him in prison. I have never been caught. By law enforcement. LOL.  I was going to read his letter and craft a reply, but. . .even locked in my house, I could not avoid humanity, or its simulacra.  Somebody, something, trapped me.  Very easily.  Plastic bag and Gorilla tape time. LOL!

Intensity: Intense fever Days 7 & 8.  Have not victimized anybody.  Yet.  Still a few hours to go in Day 8.  It is a well-known fact anything can happen. 

Frequency: Increasing, regrettably. 

Factors: The well-known phrase from our Lord: Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.  The best prayer is done from a plastic bag and Gorilla tape.

20 July 2025

Day 5

Yesterday, Day 5, there was a street fair in town. I decided to conduct an experiment. A field test. I would go to the street fair and see if the people sickened me. I walked around. I sat under a tree. I bought a sandwich. The sandwich was pretty good. It was called an Italiano. Some type of meat in a pesto sauce with some vegetables wrapped in something called panini bread. It was tasty. Nobody or nothing I saw produced any emotion in me other than boredom. Most of the people I saw had smiles on their faces. Whether they be young or old. That was an interesting observation on my part. Young people tend to think they are *cooler* or *hipper* or whatever you want to call it than old people. Yet they were just as easily contented as the old people. When I made this observation, I laughed out loud. People walking near me stared. Young and old. They looked upset. Even frightened. Perhaps they sensed that I understood them. Which would make me more powerful than them. They perhaps knew I could devastate them with a word or two. Destroy their existential illusion. They quickened their walking pace. I returned home. Healthy as a horse.

Intensity: No episode of illness to report.  Felt healthy as a horse.  More powerful than the sheeple I encountered on the street.  So inconsequential were they, no need to victimize them.

Frequency: N/A

Factors: No new insights to report (in regard to illness).

19 July 2025

Day 4

I had a bag of the cat’s dirty litter in my hand. I was about to step out the front door and head to the dumpster. Then: a premonition. I was certain that if I walked across the parking lot to the dumpster an object, a piece of an airplane or a satellite or a drone, something like that would come crashing down and split my head open.


I closed the door. I set the bag of litter on the floor. I sat in my chair. I thought things over. It was absurd to believe my head was going to be split open carrying the bag of dirty cat litter to the dumpster. And yet. . .this is what I believed. I moved my chair next to the front window. I sat there looking out at the parking lot. What should I do? I have had these premonitions before. Sometimes they were accurate. I remember over 30 years ago, close to 40 years ago, I was working in a store, a young woman came in, she had a mohawk, she was nonetheless attractive. Oh no! I will marry her! It happened. Yes, sometimes the premonitions eventuated in reality exactly as they presented themselves. Of course, sometimes they did not. I sat in my chair and decided to wait until I saw another human being moving about the parking lot. Let me see what happens to them, I thought.

Several moments passed by. I stared at the bag of dirty cat litter. This was the cat’s fault. Nonetheless, I harbored no ill will toward my cat. He has been a great and loyal friend. Finally a car enters the parking lot, parks. A fat white woman gets out of the car. She walks to her unit without incident. I had hoped whatever falling object that was meant for me might take her instead. But of course, that’s not how this shit works. I know that. I knew that. I went back to staring at the bag of dirty cat litter. Sooner or later, I would have to take it out. Sooner or later, I would have to leave my unit, for one reason or another. Let’s just get this shit over with, I thought. I got up. I picked up the bag of dirty cat litter. I opened the front door. I stepped outside. I began walking to the dumpster. I didn’t bother looking up at the sky. Of course, nothing happened. My head wasn’t split open by a piece of falling airplane. I wouldn’t be typing this shit if it had.

[In the interest of scientific accuracy, I must report that I am typing Day 4's report on Day 5. I’m already falling behind on this project. I can only do the best that I can do.]

Intensity: No episode of illness to report.

Frequency: N/A

Factors: No new insights.

17 July 2025

Day 3

I woke up today in a bad mood. It had nothing to do with my illness. At least, at this point, I don’t think it had anything to do with my illness. I believe it was because of the dream. I dreamed I was in a church.  Maybe not a church.  It was a massive structure, with both lower and upper level seating.  I was sitting alone in the upper level watching some sort of religious ceremony.  Ritual.  I was seated so far away, I could not tell the specifics of the ritual, but the mood was black.  It was an anti-Christ ritual of some sort.  That was the knowledge I had in the dream.  Anyway, after watching for a couple minutes, I was suddenly carried away.  Lifted up out of my seat at incredible speed toward some malignant force.  I woke up before I encountered the malignancy.  I started work earlier than usual. But then I got sick of it. I got in the car and headed to the bagel store. On the way there I saw this:
I pulled over to gawk.  It turned into quite a mess.  Here it is a few minutes later:















O my spirit was lifted immediately! I laughed and laughed and laughed!

Only the most mild symptoms of the illness for the rest of the day:

Intensity: very mild *fever* broke out in early afternoon.  Was watching the news and the broad who speaks for Trump was asked about the Jews bombing a Catholic church.  When she said the Jews said it was an accident, I wanted to shit in her mouth.

Frequency: The desire to shit in the Trump broad's mouth was the only *fever,* and it burned off as soon as I changed the channel to General Hospital.

Factors: No new insights.

16 July 2025

Day 2

Today is Day 2. The second day following the last outbreak. I decided I should begin to track the course of the illness around 6 PM today. I had no problem at all on Day 1. Yesterday. I passed the day working and doing errands. I work where I live. So I didn’t have any contact with people while I was working. I had the piano music on in the background. A YouTube video of piano music. Melancholy Piano For Old Souls. Very nice.  I like it.  When I went to the store to get items to eat and drink, I saw people who would be. . .I was going to say victims. . .but that’s not correct.  I was going to say people who would be victims when my illness was in full flower.  But no, victims is not correct. When my illness is in full flower I don’t victimize people.  No, people enable me. So when I was in the store buying the food and beverage items, I saw people who would be very fine enablers had the illness been in full flower. But I did not give these people a second thought. A second thought in terms of the acts of indecencies. I just had my usual healthy contempt for them.  Stupid people.  Shallow thinkers.  Bestial, really.  Look at the rinds and husks in their carts, LOL. Anyway, Day 1 went without a hint of the illness. A boring day of full health. I slept like a baby. When I woke up today on Day 2 I felt confident the illness would not flower. Then around about 6 pm my mind started wandering. That’s not good. I put on ABC World News Tonight with David Muir for a distraction. There was a story about an earthquake off the coast of Alaska, a story about Jews bombing Syria, the usual trivialities of our world.  David Muir is a very good presenter of news.  Flawless articulation with just enough humanity to convince you he really gives a shit about this stuff.  I watched for 10 or 15 minutes, then stopped. The distraction was losing its potency. That’s when I decided. Decided I should begin to track the illness. Isn’t it amazing? I am (X) years old and had never bothered to track it before! Why not try to learn about it?  Study it.  Surprised I’ve never tried a detailed investigation of the illness. It could be because of my age. Because of my old age, that is why I decided to try to track the illness now. I am probably close to death. When you die, you want to face Jesus with as few delusions about yourself as possible. You want to know yourself as well as you possibly can.  As well as you can possibly stand to know yourself. You don’t want to have the slightest air of merit about you when you stand before the Lord. You don’t want to be like Donald Trump, mad as a hatter with delusions of grandeur, blind with pride, waiting for a reward, waiting for a prize.  Donald Trump always expects some prize, LOL. Can you imagine? Can you imagine standing before the Lord Jesus Christ thinking you’re going to be given a prize? Anyway, I want to know how sick I truly am or at least as much as a person can know how sick they are.  Obviously none of us can bear to be absolutely truthful about ourselves.  It's going to be hard to appear before the Lord.  It's 8:17 pm now.  Day 2.  I should try to quantify, day by day, the illness.  I just googled how do you track the progress of an illness?  It responded: several methods can be employed. Symptom tracking involves documenting the type, intensity, frequency, and duration of symptoms, along with factors that affect them. This can be done using a symptom diary, either in paper form or through a digital app.  Seems like I intuitively knew what to do already.

Intensity: very mild *fever* broke out around 6 pm.  First symptom since last flowering of illness.  [Should I call it illness or disease?  I just googled are illness and disease the same thing?  Response: While the terms "illness" and "disease" are often used interchangeably, they have distinct meanings. Disease refers to a specific, medically diagnosed condition with identifiable causes and symptoms, like diabetes or a bacterial infection. Illness, on the other hand, is a broader term encompassing the individual's subjective experience of being unwell, including symptoms, feelings, and how it impacts their life.  Unquestionably I should call it illness.]

Frequency: The mild 6 pm outbreak was the only occurrence in these last 2 days.  Or these first 2 days, however I would decide to view them.  It was easily suppressed with a dose of David Muir and the beginning of this scientific examination of the illness.

Factors: Do we, LOL, I mean, do I have any insight into what triggered very mild 6 pm *fever?*  My best guess here on Day 2 is that it was triggered by the ill thoughts of the last flowering of the illness.  After the full bloom of the illness, the illness wilts completely away on Day 1.  No thought is given it.  The mind is only concerned with the trivialities of the returning *normal* or *healthy* life.  But it seems about 36 hours into the recovery, if it is a recovery, that has yet to be validated, the first moments of *boredom* (meaning nothing more to think about in the resumption of *normal* or *healthy* life) return.  The mind then, being conditioned by the thoughts that dominated the flowering stage of the illness, returns first to those thoughts, the last most entrained thoughts, the ill thoughts. These ill thoughts were easily chased away before turning into a full blown fever delirium.  What we, LOL, what I will have to do in the following days is measure the frequency and duration of the boredom, the strength of the boredom (i.e., how easily can I depart from boredom) and the techniques that are most useful in putting down the boredom. 

Well, this is a good start, I believe.   

13 July 2025

Ann Coulter


To be honest, 20, 25 years ago, this broad didn't really bother me.  Because, to repeat, to be honest, she didn't look too bad.  She was rail-thin in a country populated by morbidly obese women, and she had very nice legs.  Her giraffe neck and mannish face were always problematic, but nothing an extra large burlap sack couldn't take care of.  She could vomit her *shock* takes or whatever, and I could still imagine her naked (with the burlap sack, of course) in bed. 

But now, when she is an old bag, haggard-looking, wrinkled-up trans looking, I don't see her naked, anymore.  I just hear her stupidities.  She's pretty much a dumb cunt.  Remember, she was the main cheerleader for the appalling J.D. Vance as Vice President.  

Anyway, she has always been a self-proclaimed Christian, and when she could be visualized naked (with the burlap sack, of course) I gave her the benefit of the doubt.  But now she looks and sounds like one of THEM (hint as to who THEM are: tribespeople).  I can't visualize her naked or at the cross of Christ.


02 July 2025

Jimmy Swaggart



1 July 2025: The Rev. Jimmy Swaggart, who emerged from the backwoods of Louisiana to become a television evangelist with global reach, preaching about an eternal struggle between good and evil and warning of the temptations of the flesh, a theme that played out in his own life in a sex scandal, died on July 1. He was 90.

Mr. Swaggart’s voice and passion carried him to fame and riches that he could scarcely have dreamed of in his small-town boyhood. At its peak in the mid-1980s, Jimmy Swaggart Worldwide Ministries had a television presence in more than 140 countries and, along with its Bible college, took in up to half a million dollars a day from donations and sales of Bible courses, gospel music and merchandise.In his prime, Mr. Swaggart strode the stage like a bear, his voice thundering with emotion, dropping to a near-whisper, then rising again, sometimes to the accompaniment of tears — his own as well as those of his followers — as he spoke of his love for God and his disdain for the Devil. “Satan, you’re in for a whupping!” was a typical Swaggart warm-up. But Satan may have sometimes won a round. In October 1987, Mr. Swaggart was photographed entering a hot-sheet New Orleans motel with a woman. In a later television interview, the woman said that she and Mr. Swaggart had several encounters, describing them as “pornographic” but as not involving intercourse. Early the next year, the Assemblies of God, the huge Pentecostal organization under whose auspices Mr. Swaggart ministered, suspended him from preaching for a year and ordered him to undergo rehabilitation. Mr. Swaggart responded in February 1988 with an extraordinary, tear-gushing mea culpa to some 7,000 followers at his World Faith Center in Baton Rouge. Turning first to his wife, Frances, he said, “Oh, I have sinned against you, and I beg your forgiveness.” As some listeners wept, Mr. Swaggart went on: “I have sinned against you, my Lord, and I would ask that your precious blood would wash and cleanse every stain.”

He continued to preach independently. But donations dropped off, and while he still earned enough for him and his family to live very comfortably, he never regained the influence he had enjoyed. Scandal struck again in October 1991, when Mr. Swaggart, who was in California on business, was pulled over by the police in a red-light section of the city of Indio for driving erratically. In his company was a prostitute. She later said that Mr. Swaggart had become alarmed on seeing a police vehicle behind him and had tried to hide his pornographic magazines under the seat, causing his car to swerve. This time, he was less remorseful. “The Lord told me it’s flat none of your business,” he told a stunned audience at his Family Worship Center in Baton Rouge. Soon afterward, Donnie Swaggart said his father would seek medical and spiritual help.

And he could be a hypnotic speaker. “I don’t know of anyone in America, religious or secular, who can hold a crowd better,” William Martin, a Rice University sociologist who has studied the evangelical movement, told The New York Times in 1988. Mr. Martin said a friend who was a lawyer had told him, “I don’t believe a word he says, but I don’t know anyone in the world who’s better with a closing argument.” 

Jimmy Lee Swaggart was born in eastern Louisiana, in the small town of Ferriday, on March 15, 1935, to Willie and Minnie Bell (Herron) Swaggart. His father was a grocer, a slap-and-strap disciplinarian and an occasional preacher at the local Assemblies of God church. Both parents became evangelicals. The family was shattered when Jimmy Lee’s baby brother died of pneumonia, and the parents fought often. Mr. Swaggart recalled how he had been influenced by his grandmother, who he said had studied the Bible incessantly, and how he loved going to church because his parents didn’t fight there.

As Jimmy Lee grew older and more certain that he was on the path of the righteous, he prayed for the salvation of his first cousin, Jerry Lee Lewis, the early wild man of rock ’n’ roll who married several times (one bride was his 13-year-old cousin) and who thumbed his nose at conventional morality, as the writer Nick Tosches recounted in “Hellfire,” his biography of Mr. Lewis. The country singer Mickey Gilley was also a first cousin to both Mr. Swaggart and Mr. Lewis. About the same age, the three boys were childhood companions. They learned to play an uncle’s piano and occasionally disobeyed their parents by going to a Black nightclub, where they were entranced by the music and dancing, Mr. Tosches wrote.

On Oct. 10, 1952, Jimmy Swaggart married Frances Anderson. He was 17 and she was 15. A year later, their son, Donnie, was born. Convinced that God wanted him to preach, Mr. Swaggart traveled in a rundown car throughout rural Louisiana and later across the South, holding revival meetings. In his 1977 autobiography, “To Cross a River,” Mr. Swaggart wrote of staying in pastors’ homes and church basements. Mr. Swaggart’s wife helped run day-to-day operations of the family’s ministry, where Donnie Swaggart has followed in his father’s footsteps as a preacher. Mr. Swaggart is also survived by several grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

Decades after the scandals, his hair thinning and going white, Mr. Swaggart was still preaching of God’s goodness, Satan’s trickery and man’s frailty. “God is patient with us,” he said in a televised service at the Family Worship Center in 2014. “Thank God for that.”

Jimmy Swaggart was America's greatest preacher, an unmatched orator.  While Billy Graham was dull as dishwasher, with all the charisma of a clam, Swaggart was a natural born story teller.  Additionally he was an outstanding musician, a great keyboardist and a soul-stirring vocalist.  

Of course, he will mostly be remembered for his scandalous fall.  Caught twice with sex workers, he was branded a phony and a hypocrite.  There is some merit to the charge of hypocrisy, as Swaggart had pointed his finger at Marvin Gorman and Jim Bakker in the messy televangelism wars of the mid-to-late 1980s.  But he was no phony.  Nobody preached the gospel of Jesus better or with more conviction.  If he wasn't anointed to preach the gospel, he was the greatest religious counterfeit of the 20th and 21st centuries.

Swaggart's fall highlights what remains the greatest failure of contemporary American Christianity: sinners are no longer welcome in church.

Somehow, the church founded by the Friend to sinners has become a habitat of self-righteous pew warmers who act as if Jesus sprinkles them with goody-two-shoes fairy dust as soon as they receive the faith of Christ.  Pew warmers get *saved,* then immediately hide their sin, refusing to speak openly of their lusts, greed, hatreds, jealousies, etc.  They know fingers will point, *discipline committees* will be formed if their sins are discovered.  

What if Jimmy Swaggart could have taken to the pulpit and said to his congregation: I am fighting temptation, I have adulterous desires, I want to wallow in fornication.  Pray for me, pray the Lord give me the strength to resist.

Nobody feels secure enough in contemporary churchianity to reveal their true ugly self.  Their sin festers inside.  Eventually they get sloppy in their deceits and get caught, perhaps they want to be caught, worn down by the charade, and then they are charged as a hypocrite and a phony.  Hypocrisy?  Perhaps.  Phony?  No.  How can a sinner be called phony when they get caught sinning? 

American Christians need to stop acting like they are not sinners.  They are sinners covered by the Blood of the Lamb.  Sinners worthy of eternal destruction, completely worthless without the Blood of the Lamb. 

American Christianity needs to acknowledge sin, and once again become a friend to sinners.  The greatest failing of Jimmy Swaggart was not his motel room perversions, but his reluctance, even after being caught with his pants down, to make his church a place where sinners could unburden their souls.    

But let's not end the Jimmy Swaggart story there. Let's end it with him, even at age 89, at his best:


01 July 2025

Love Walked In

Love Walked In
: I don’t know anybody who has seen this movie. I saw it once, about thirty years. I thought it was outstanding. I don’t think you can even find it on Tubi today. A true lost masterpiece, if my memory does not deceive me. Anyway. . .


A struggling writer scratches out an average material existence by playing piano in a lounge act with his singer girlfriend. Despite their modest lifestyle, the two are happy — but can they stay happy without being rich? This becomes the mind-preying question which drives the struggling writer (brilliantly played by Denis Leary) to contemplate a crime which will defile his girlfriend. A dark and memorable parable from the pre-Late Stage Capitalism conspicuous consumption America, a time and place where the sheep were brainwashed into thinking that happiness was not possible without material wealth (nowadays the sheeple, long-since looted by their overlords, understand wealth is only for the Elite).