College Picks Week 5 (20-13-1 vs the spread for the season):
Virginia +4 @ Miami: LOL! Miami is a joke! Manny Diaz should be cutting grass and pruning hedges, not coaching Big Time Football. Virginia.
Arkansas +18.5 @ Georgia: Sam Pittman has done a tremendous job turning Arkansas into a real team, just 4 games into his second season. But I am afraid the bubble will burst this week, they just don't have the passing attack necessary to threaten Georgia, and hence the Dawgs will be able to load up on the run. Can Arkansas' defense hold up enough for 60 minutes to enable the Hogs to cover? This looks like a 34-10 game, to me. Georgia.
Michigan +.5 @ Wisconsin: Michigan will not be able to run on Wisconsin, and Wolverine fans will have the pain of watching Cade McNamara shit his pants while throwing uglier passes than Graham Mertz while JJ McCarthy collects dust on the bench. This will be the beginning of the end for Jim Harbaugh. Wisconsin.
Louisville +6.5 @ Wake Forest: With Clemson now just another team, this is actually a big game in the ACC Atlantic Division. If you go by how each team played the SemenHoles, Wake Forest should win this one. Wake Forest.
Cincinnati -2 @ Notre Dame: Who could have imagined, if you've been watching college football for more than a year or two, that Notre Dame would ever be a home underdog to Cincinnati? But this is a big fucking game, with the winner in line for a Playoff spot. Man for man, ND has the better team, but Cincy probably has the better QB. And if ND has to play that midget Pyne. . .man, there is a *dream season* within the Bearcats grasp if they can win this game. Something tells me the zebras won't let it happen. No way TV wants Cincy instead of ND in the Playoff. Notre Dame.
Mississippi +14.5 @ Alabama: Alabama's defense is not good enough to cover 14.5. Ole Miss will score. Alabama will win, but only by 6 - 10 points. Mississippi.
Ohio State -15.5 @ Rutgers: I think the Buckeyes will turn the ball over just enough to allow Rutgers to cover. Rutgers will play for 60 minutes, while the Buckeyes will relax for a series here and there. Although if Ryan Day gave the ball to Freshman RB TreVeyon Henderson 30 times, OSU would win by 20+, EZ. This kid is one of the best RBs in the last 20 years. He looks like a mini Herschel Walker. Rutgers.
Arizona State +3 @ UCLA: This is what passes for a *Big* game in the Pac-12. A team that lost to BYU and a team that lost to Fresno State. ASU has the better QB, but they don't have much else, and I don't think they can stop the UCLA run game. UCLA.
Week 3 NFL Recap: Detroit Lions: not again! Fuck me! For once I would love to see the Lions come out after one of these zebra-aided disasters and just kick the living shit out of the other team. Make somebody else pay, for once! I mean, Justin Fields and the Bears gained 45 yards total against the Browns. And yet I believe the Bears will probably come out on their first drive and march right down the field, with the cocksucking Bears fans thinking Fields is the Savior. I hope Dan Campbell proves me wrong, the guy is the most likable coach the Lions have had in my tortured Lions lifetime. You know if Fields lights up the Lions, Detroit Media will be all over the *they could have drafted Fields and been set to rule the division blah blah blah.* I can hear it already. <sigh.> I was right about the Steelers: so fucking dumb to try to milk one last run out of Big Ben. C'mon! How fucking delusional! And now they have to take a QB from next year's class! LOL! Spencer Rattler? He looks emotionally fragile. The only one who might be a winner is Sam Howell, if he survives this year in North Carolina. Maybe Matt Corral, who has a chance Saturday against the Menstrual Tide to be remembered for something other than beating up Wayne Gretzky's kid at a posh school and then having to transfer out. Trevor Lawrence threw a horrendous pick 6 that just took the life out of the Jags and sent them to another loss. He's been sloppy as fuck so far, a real disappointment. Mac Jones got his ass kicked by the Saints, and his physical limitations were evident: not much mobility, the lack of the elite arm, but he still looks like he can top out as a Teddy Bridgewater-type QB, a guy you can win with if you have a good defense. Zach Wilson is on a tough fucking road. Listen, Robert *Xerxes* Saleh hasn't really moved the needle much there. Sam Darnold is looking like Kelly Stafford-Lite (the problem wasn't me, it was the shit I was stuck in!). And I was also right when I said Patty Mahomes wasn't all that. Like I said, he's basically Brett Favre. That's not bad, don't get me wrong. But he ain't one of the All-Time Greats! C'mon! He's not that accurate, and he makes the Favre-like dumb plays from time-to-time. (Ha! You know there is trouble in KC when they have to get the great Patty Mahomes help, and the help is Josh Gordon!). Everything is so NOW NOW NOW, flavor of the week. Now we are back to Kyler Murray is the greatest thing! OK. I hope so. I hope he fucking beats Kelly Stafford twice. I really do.
NFL Picks Week 4 (17-17-1 vs the spread for the season):
Jacksonville +7.5 @ Cincinnati: Man, that was a horrible, horrible pick 6 Lawrence threw. Lazy-ass carelessness. And made no effort to tackle the guy before the end zone. He made the *appearance* of effort, he ran, slowly, toward the guy, but through the end zone, so he would get there after the fact. The first TD pass he threw was a thing of beauty, he has all the physical skill to be an All-Timer. . .but he looks, ever since his Freshman year at Clemson, like a guy who is content with his scrapbook just the way it is. He's already been a Hero. He beat Alabama as a true freshman. He plays now like he thinks he's still on the mountain top, instead of down in the valley of Duuuval. The Bengals were right to draft Ja'Marr Chase over Pennei Sewell. Sewell ain't bad, no knock on him. But Chase puts points on the board. If Sewell goes down, some other fat slob takes his place, and OK, you give up 1 sack more a game, maybe have 15 less rushing yards. Chase has 4 tds in 3 games. You do the math. Anyways, this game will be a real showcase of what kind of coach Urban Meyer can be in the NFL. They had Arizona on the ropes, their defense played OK, and then Lawrence tossed it away. The defense sagged. Now a short week. What kind of teams shows up Thursday? A *we know the season is over already, let's not get hurt* team? Or one that regroups and gives it another shot? You know Joe Burrow wants to stick it to the coach who thought he wasn't good enough. But he won't. Jacksonville.
Detroit +3 @ Chicago: Until Dan Campbell shows me this team is different, I have to follow Lions history, which says they will lay down and die after last week's ridiculous loss. Against a team coming off one of the worst offensive performances in the last 50 years!! But the Bears defense will probably bag 3 turnovers, and Justin Fields will toss a couple long TD passes over the depleted Detroit secondary. Chicago.
Cleveland -2 @ Minnesota: Two teams with Super Bowl rosters, but their combined record is 3-3, because they have given away 3 games. Zimmer dearly wants to show up his former errand boy Stefanski, to shut up all the Vikings fans who wish he was the coach. Minnesota.
Arizona +5.5 @ Los Angeles Rams: Kelly Stafford to Mrs. Ford: I don't wike it here anymoaw. Iss too hard in Detwoit. Can you twade me to a good team! Mrs. Ford to Kelly Stafford: OK, Kelly, I understand, thank you for your service. One week later, Mrs. Ford to Kelly Stafford: We have reached an agreement with Carolina on trade. Kelly Stafford to Mrs. Ford: Waa Waa! No! <stamps his feet> I won't go, I won't go! I'll onwy go to Wos Angewes with my new best fwend, Sean! I totally get Kelly was sick of the Lions. But you're a fucking Lion, pal. You're part of the disease. If you're sick to death, you do what the great Barry Sanders did: you just fucking quit. You don't beg for a fucking handout. You don't beg for a fucking handout and leave your teammates behind to watch you flit around in different colors. You're either a Lion, or you're fucking nothing. Sanders did it the right way. Kelly Stafford is a pussy-ass cocksucker. So is that fucking rapist Deshaun Watson and any other mentally weak punk who *demands* a trade. You're playing a fucking kid's game, for crying out loud! Fucking playground martyrs! And this is a horrible fucking game, the two biggest pantywaist coaches in the League going at it. We need an earthquake to drag both these sissy teams down into the pit. Arizona.
Seattle +2.5 @ San Francisco: Seattle about to fall off the cliff. San Francisco.
Baltimore +1 @ Denver: Baltimore could very easily be 0-3. But they're not. That's not luck. Their coach holds the line. He coaches as if they will win, whereas most coaches manage a game from a fear of losing. The Broncos have played the Giants, Jaguars and Jets!! C'mon! The Lions had the 49ers, Packers and Ravens?? Fuck the NFL! So anyway, it's hard to know if the Broncos defense is really as good as it has looked, but I'm gonna drink the Kool-Aid and say they shutdown Lamar Jackson. Denver.
Las Vegas +3.5 @ Los Angeles Chargers: Josh Jacobs may be back just in time to face a lousy Chargers run defense. Raiders are simply the better team. The Chargers win over KC has Media all aflutter, but 1): KC isn't all that, anymore, and 2): LA didn't really beat KC, KC gave the game away with 4 turnovers. Las Vegas.