29 September 2021

2021 College Football Week 5, NFL Week 4

Week 4 College Recap: Clemson has now reached late-stage Mack Brown Texas, Lloyd Carr Michigan status under Dabo Swinney: Country Club Program that plays soft football, physically and mentally.  This shit happens.  You earn a reputation, then you relax and try to win off the reputation.  It works for a season, and then conference teams begin to realize you are soft.  Dabo had a great run, brought them to Menstrual Tide level for four or five years. . .now, just a good but not great team.  I guess that's what make Saban's record so impressive. . .he sustains.  The defense is a little softer than it used to be, for sure, but his team still plays like they are going for their first Natty, not their seventh.  Now Georgia seems to have climbed into the ring with Alabama, taking Clemson's or Ohio State's place.  It seems clear after just 4 weeks that both Alabama and Georgia will be in the Playoff, with a third spot going to a middleweight, the winner of this weeks ND-Cincy game, and the fourth spot going to a lightweight, most likely Oklahoma.  Oregon will lose at least one conference game.  Their QB isn't good enough to run the table.  Ohio State could sneak back in if they run the table, but I don't see them doing that. There seems to be something going on down in Columbus, it don't really smell right.  The arrogant coach doesn't seem to know how to control all his 4 and 5 star prima donnas.  That kind of shit with the OSU player throwing a tantrum and quitting mid-game wouldn't happen at Alabama.  The comic relief of the week comes from, no surprise, Scott Frost, who cried and whined after his team choked away another game.  He said we didn't have any business losing that game.  Truer words never spoken, but Frost didn't seem to realize he was indicting himself.  What a fucking loser.  They have a pretty decent defense this year, and as soft as the B1G West is, they should have made some noise, but they are already out of it after 2 conference games. Their season now hinges on the Michigan game.  They'll need to win that to get 6 wins for bowl eligibility.  Lose it, and perhaps Frost is on the hot seat in what would be 4 consecutive losing seasons.   

College Picks Week 5 (20-13-1 vs the spread for the season):

Virginia +4 @ Miami: LOL! Miami is a joke! Manny Diaz should be cutting grass and pruning hedges, not coaching Big Time Football.  Virginia.

Arkansas +18.5 @ Georgia: Sam Pittman has done a tremendous job turning Arkansas into a real team, just 4 games into his second season.  But I am afraid the bubble will burst this week, they just don't have the passing attack necessary to threaten Georgia, and hence the Dawgs will be able to load up on the run. Can Arkansas' defense hold up enough for 60 minutes to enable the Hogs to cover?  This looks like a 34-10 game, to me.  Georgia.

Michigan +.5 @ Wisconsin: Michigan will not be able to run on Wisconsin, and Wolverine fans will have the pain of watching Cade McNamara shit his pants while throwing uglier passes than Graham Mertz while JJ McCarthy collects dust on the bench.  This will be the beginning of the end for Jim Harbaugh.  Wisconsin.

Louisville +6.5 @ Wake Forest: With Clemson now just another team, this is actually a big game in the ACC Atlantic Division.  If you go by how each team played the SemenHoles, Wake Forest should win this one.  Wake Forest.

Cincinnati -2 @ Notre Dame: Who could have imagined, if you've been watching college football for more than a year or two, that Notre Dame would ever be a home underdog to Cincinnati?  But this is a big fucking game, with the winner in line for a Playoff spot.  Man for man, ND has the better team, but Cincy probably has the better QB.  And if ND has to play that midget Pyne. . .man, there is a *dream season* within the Bearcats grasp if they can win this game.  Something tells me the zebras won't let it happen.  No way TV wants Cincy instead of ND in the Playoff.  Notre Dame.

Mississippi +14.5 @ Alabama: Alabama's defense is not good enough to cover 14.5.  Ole Miss will score.  Alabama will win, but only by 6 - 10 points.  Mississippi.  

Ohio State -15.5 @ Rutgers: I think the Buckeyes will turn the ball over just enough to allow Rutgers to cover.  Rutgers will play for 60 minutes, while the Buckeyes will relax for a series here and there.  Although if Ryan Day gave the ball to Freshman RB TreVeyon Henderson 30 times, OSU would win by 20+, EZ.  This kid is one of the best RBs in the last 20 years.  He looks like a mini Herschel Walker.  Rutgers.

Arizona State +3 @ UCLA: This is what passes for a *Big* game in the Pac-12.  A team that lost to BYU and a team that lost to Fresno State. ASU has the better QB, but they don't have much else, and I don't think they can stop the UCLA run game.  UCLA.  

Week 3 NFL Recap: Detroit Lions: not again!  Fuck me! For once I would love to see the Lions come out after one of these zebra-aided disasters and just kick the living shit out of the other team.  Make somebody else pay, for once!  I mean, Justin Fields and the Bears gained 45 yards total against the Browns.  And yet I believe the Bears will probably come out on their first drive and march right down the field, with the cocksucking Bears fans thinking Fields is the Savior.  I hope Dan Campbell proves me wrong, the guy is the most likable coach the Lions have had in my tortured Lions lifetime.  You know if Fields lights up the Lions, Detroit Media will be all over the *they could have drafted Fields and been set to rule the division blah blah blah.*  I can hear it already. <sigh.>  I was right about the Steelers: so fucking dumb to try to milk one last run out of Big Ben.  C'mon!  How fucking delusional!  And now they have to take a QB from next year's class!  LOL!  Spencer Rattler? He looks emotionally fragile.  The only one who might be a winner is Sam Howell, if he survives this year in North Carolina.  Maybe Matt Corral, who has a chance Saturday against the Menstrual Tide to be remembered for something other than beating up Wayne Gretzky's kid at a posh school and then having to transfer out.  Trevor Lawrence threw a horrendous pick 6 that just took the life out of the Jags and sent them to another loss.  He's been sloppy as fuck so far, a real disappointment.  Mac Jones got his ass kicked by the Saints, and his physical limitations were evident: not much mobility, the lack of the elite arm, but he still looks like he can top out as a Teddy Bridgewater-type QB, a guy you can win with if you have a good defense.  Zach Wilson is on a tough fucking road.  Listen, Robert *Xerxes* Saleh hasn't really moved the needle much there.  Sam Darnold is looking like Kelly Stafford-Lite (the problem wasn't me, it was the shit I was stuck in!).  And I was also right when I said Patty Mahomes wasn't all that.  Like I said, he's basically Brett Favre.  That's not bad, don't get me wrong.  But he ain't one of the All-Time Greats!  C'mon!  He's not that accurate, and he makes the Favre-like dumb plays from time-to-time. (Ha! You know there is trouble in KC when they have to get the great Patty Mahomes help, and the help is Josh Gordon!).  Everything is so NOW NOW NOW, flavor of the week.  Now we are back to Kyler Murray is the greatest thing! OK. I hope so. I hope he fucking beats Kelly Stafford twice. I really do.

NFL Picks Week 4 (17-17-1 vs the spread for the season):

Jacksonville +7.5 @ Cincinnati: Man, that was a horrible, horrible pick 6 Lawrence threw.  Lazy-ass carelessness.  And made no effort to tackle the guy before the end zone.  He made the *appearance* of effort, he ran, slowly, toward the guy, but through the end zone, so he would get there after the fact.  The first TD pass he threw was a thing of beauty, he has all the physical skill to be an All-Timer. . .but he looks, ever since his Freshman year at Clemson, like a guy who is content with his scrapbook just the way it is.  He's already been a Hero.  He beat Alabama as a true freshman.  He plays now like he thinks he's still on the mountain top, instead of down in the valley of Duuuval.  The Bengals were right to draft Ja'Marr Chase over Pennei Sewell.  Sewell ain't bad, no knock on him.  But Chase puts points on the board.  If Sewell goes down, some other fat slob takes his place, and OK, you give up 1 sack more a game, maybe have 15 less rushing yards.  Chase has 4 tds in 3 games.  You do the math.  Anyways, this game will be a real showcase of what kind of coach Urban Meyer can be in the NFL.  They had Arizona on the ropes, their defense played OK, and then Lawrence tossed it away.  The defense sagged.  Now a short week.  What kind of teams shows up Thursday?  A *we know the season is over already, let's not get hurt* team?  Or one that regroups and gives it another shot?  You know Joe Burrow wants to stick it to the coach who thought he wasn't good enough. But he won't.  Jacksonville.   

Detroit +3 @ Chicago: Until Dan Campbell shows me this team is different, I have to follow Lions history, which says they will lay down and die after last week's ridiculous loss.  Against a team coming off one of the worst offensive performances in the last 50 years!!  But the Bears defense will probably bag 3 turnovers, and Justin Fields will toss a couple long TD passes over the depleted Detroit secondary. Chicago.

Cleveland -2 @ Minnesota: Two teams with Super Bowl rosters, but their combined record is 3-3, because they have given away 3 games.  Zimmer dearly wants to show up his former errand boy Stefanski, to shut up all the Vikings fans who wish he was the coach.  Minnesota.

Arizona +5.5 @ Los Angeles Rams: Kelly Stafford to Mrs. Ford: I don't wike it here anymoaw.  Iss too hard in Detwoit. Can you twade me to a good team! Mrs. Ford to Kelly Stafford: OK, Kelly, I understand, thank you for your service.  One week later, Mrs. Ford to Kelly Stafford: We have reached an agreement with Carolina on trade.  Kelly Stafford to Mrs. Ford: Waa Waa!  No! <stamps his feet> I won't go, I won't go! I'll onwy go to Wos Angewes with my new best fwend, Sean! I totally get Kelly was sick of the Lions.  But you're a fucking Lion, pal.  You're part of the disease.  If you're sick to death, you do what the great Barry Sanders did: you just fucking quit.  You don't beg for a fucking handout.  You don't beg for a fucking handout and leave your teammates behind to watch you flit around in different colors. You're either a Lion, or you're fucking nothing.  Sanders did it the right way.  Kelly Stafford is a pussy-ass cocksucker.  So is that fucking rapist Deshaun Watson and any other mentally weak punk who *demands* a trade.  You're playing a fucking kid's game, for crying out loud! Fucking playground martyrs!  And this is a horrible fucking game, the two biggest pantywaist coaches in the League going at it.  We need an earthquake to drag both these sissy teams down into the pit.  Arizona

Seattle +2.5 @ San Francisco: Seattle about to fall off the cliff.  San Francisco.

Baltimore +1 @ Denver: Baltimore could very easily be 0-3.  But they're not.  That's not luck.  Their coach holds the line.  He coaches as if they will win, whereas most coaches manage a game from a fear of losing.  The Broncos have played the Giants, Jaguars and Jets!!  C'mon!  The Lions had the 49ers, Packers and Ravens??  Fuck the NFL!  So anyway, it's hard to know if the Broncos defense is really as good as it has looked, but I'm gonna drink the Kool-Aid and say they shutdown Lamar Jackson.  Denver

Las Vegas +3.5 @ Los Angeles Chargers: Josh Jacobs may be back just in time to face a lousy Chargers run defense.  Raiders are simply the better team.  The Chargers win over KC has Media all aflutter, but 1): KC isn't all that, anymore, and 2): LA didn't really beat KC, KC gave the game away with 4 turnovers.  Las Vegas.

23 September 2021

2021 College Football Week 4, NFL Week 3

Week 3 College Recap: Florida had the physical skill to beat Alabama, but not the mental acuity, and thus they lost a game in which they soundly out-played the Menstrual Tide for the last 3 quarters.  They out-rushed Alabama 245 - 91. . .but lost.  Too many mental errors, the same problem that always seem to plague Dan Mullen teams (remember the shoe toss incident last year?).  This is why I don't consider Mullen an elite coach.  He reminds me of Jim Schwartz, in that his personal immaturity seems to bleed over onto his players.  Too bad.  As for the Menstrual Tide, nobody should be afraid to play them this year.  They're still good, but they frighten nobody on offense or defense.  In Civil War Football, the North was 2-0 as Auburn lost up north to Penn State, Michigan State went down south and bullied pantywaist Miami (of Florida).  Let's face facts, Miami has been a shit-ass team for way longer than Florida State, but for some reason, they never seem to take the same type Media heat.  Manny Diaz is the latest in a long line of shit-ass coaches *The U* has hired.  SissyBlue UCLA could not sustain. 

College Picks Week 4 (16-11-1 vs the spread for the season): Another week of mostly shitty games.

Notre Dame +5.5 @ Wisconsin: Jack Coan going against his old team, he'd love to show up Big Time Recruit/Mediocre QB Graham Mertz. . .but he wont.  Wisconsin's defense is too tough, and the ND defense is too soft to handle the Badger running game.  I expect Wisconsin to give the Irish a savage beating.  Wisconsin

Texas Tech +8.5 @ Texas: Cutty Sark believes his unbelievably quick QB switch worked because the Longhorns trounced Rice. . .man, c'mon!  You don't make any judgments about your team after playing Rice!  Texas is as dysfunctional as ever.  I don't even know a thing about Texas Tech.  Don't know who their coach is, or who their QB is. But I do know Texas.  That's enough for me take the Red Raiders and the points.  Texas Tech.

Texas A&M -5.5 @ Arkansas: When the Hogs hired Sam Pittman, an old fat OL coach, I just shrugged and said at least he fits the Arkansas nickname.  But the guy has made Arkansas better, there is no doubt.  They play a nice physical brand of football, and I like them to wallow around in the mire and muck it up against Jimbo Fisher, who is more PR shill than coach.  A&M isn't nearly as good as everyone thinks.  Arkansas.  

Iowas State -6.5 @ Baylor: Iowa State was the Media darling pick before the season started.  The Little Engine That Could.  LOL!  They've sputtered all year, barely beating shit-ass tomato can teams and getting spanked by mediocre Iowa.  Baylor should run by them.  And then we can forget about the Cyclones for the rest of the year.  Baylor.

Clemson -10 @ North Carolina State: Clemson has gotten soft.  They got their fancy football building with all the amusements, they got all the white girls showing leg while they help the black players do their book learning, they got a coach who went from having a chip on his shoulder to being an entitled church snob.  I don't even know a thing about North Carolina State.  Don't know who their coach is, or who their QB is. . .you know the drill. North Carolina State.

Nebrasska +5 @ Michigan State: Scott Frost got the biggest win of his career last week, a 16-23 dignity defeat to Oklahoma.  He gave the usual evaluation of any shit-ass coach of any shit-ass team that simply loses a game against a good team, instead of getting humiliated: we showed the progress we are making, we can line-up against any team in the country and compete, we just have to take the next small step blah, blah, blah.  Let's see if they can now actually win a game against a more-or-less equal opponent, or if the Oklahoma *win* was more a sign that Oklahoma ain't really a Top Tier team.  Nebrasska.

Week 2 NFL Recap: A couple of big reversals from Week 1: Tennessee, which was embarrassed at home by Arizona, went on the road and upset SeattleNew Orleans, which over-powered Lavender Bay, was beaten up by Carolina, who held the Saints to a hard-to-believe 128 yards.  Another rough week for Zach Wilson and Trevor Lawrence, as it is now crystal clear Mac Jones was the most pro-ready QB in the draft.  Urban Meyer and Robert Saleh, the big name new coach hires, are 0-4 and seem a long, long way from being competitive, while the two guys I thought were the biggest joke hires, Dana Scully in Houston and Nick SomethingOrOther in Philadelphia, have their teams playing solid football.  In fact, had Nimrod Taylor not got injured, the Texans might have actually beat the Browns and gotten to 2-0.  On the other hand, there's FedEx heiress Arthur Smith, who is just as lousy of a head coach as I thought he would be.  Derek Carr has been the best QB the first two weeks of the season.  The Minnesota Vikings just refuse to win, bungling a second straight game.  Dalvin Cook was a runaway train in the first half against Arizona, and yet the Vikings still trailed.  Mike Zimmer just can't meet expectations.  I don't know what his problem is, but he can almost-beat any team in the League.  The Vikings are the greatest 0-2 team I've ever seen.  A lot of frail QBs limped off the field: Arson Wentz, Tuna Gagvoila!, Nimrod Taylor, Andy DaltonTWatt from Pittsburgh joined them, he's probably the League's highest paid malingerer now.  John Harbaugh made the good tough call to go for it on fourth down at the end of the Chiefs game.  Whereas Mike Tomlin made the chickenshit call to punt down 9 points with 8 minutes left in the Raiders game.  

NFL Picks Week 3 (17-11-2 vs the spread for the season).

Chicago +7 @ Cleveland: I had the Browns pegged as a real Super Bowl threat before the season, but they've been underwhelming the first two weeks.  Now they get Justin Fields in his first start.  This should be an easy win, but I have a nagging feeling Cleveland's defense will make Fields look like RGIII in his rookie year.  The Bears defense looked rejuvenated last week, rattling Joe Burrow into 3 consecutive INTs. Chicago.

Baltimore -8 @ Detroit: The Lions secondary is so crappy, Lamar Jackson will actually look like a competent passer in this game.  And the Lions linebackers are so slow, he could be the first QB to get a 200 yard rushing game, but my guess is, the game will be over by half-time, so he won't need to run much.  Tyler Huntley should get some playing time in this one.  The Lions offense wouldn't be half-bad, if Jared gOOf didn't give the ball away multiple times a game. . .and it's not because the other team forces the turnovers, its gOOf forcing the other team to take the ball with his bizarre drops, slips, throws.   Baltimore

New Orleans +3 @ New England: The rapist Jameis Winston and the rest of the Saints offense were atrocious last week against Carolina, 80 yds passing, 48 yds rushing. . .in this Day & Age of EZ Offense in the NFL?  How can a team be that bad?  They were so bad, they are now a 3 point underdog to a rookie QB.  The Patriots are an average team, offensively and defensively.  If the Saints can't win this game, what an amazing swing in just two weeks.  They looked like world-beaters in Week 1 against Lavender Bay.  Sean Payton may have to move to Taysom Hill much earlier than I anticipated if the Saints continue to sputter early against the Pats.  I'm taking the Saints only because they have the big edge in coaching.  New Orleans.  

Tampa Bay -1.5 @ Los Angeles: Kelly Stafford's first big game with the Rams.  Can you imagine the hype if Kelly actually gets the better of Tom Brady?  The MVP talk will start.  The *Detroit Is So Gawdawful Even The Magnificent Stafford Couldn't Win There* fable will become gospel truth.  I'll projectile vomit onto the TV screen if the Rams win.  Tampa Bay.

Miami +4 @ Las Vegas: The Dolphins starting QB is out, and Miami is still only getting 4 points on the road against a 2-0 team.  That tells you exactly what the experts think about Tuna Gagvoila! It makes no difference whether he is in there or not.  I actually think his absence makes the game a little tougher for the Raiders.  Jacoby Passover Brisket is a better QB.  But Derek Carr is playing outstanding, MVP caliber QB, and I expect the Raiders to easily cover.  Las Vegas.

Seattle -1.5 @ Minnesota: Expect both teams to score a ton of points, neither has the defense they used to.  I actually think the Vikings are the better team, but they insist on losing. Well, the Vikings aren't actually a *team,* that's their problem. They are a bunch of players and coaches whose primary interest seems to be in covering their own asses.  Seattle

Green Bay +3 @ San Francisco: Green Bay's defense is truly awful.  Only Jared gOOf's absurd turnovers saved them last week.  I expect the 49ers to win this game fairly easily. They are much better on both sides of the ball. San Francisco

15 September 2021

2021 College Football Week 3, NFL Week 2

Week 2 College Recap: Cutty Sark already relapsing on his QB pick of Hudson Card! After 1 1/2 games!  Cutty shows he can't handle the pressure! Lock the liquor cabinets in Austin!  If I was Card, I'd already be in the transfer portal, because if your coach is this weak and double-minded, why bother sticking around and letting him ruin your career? Clay Helton fired after USC's dismal loss to Stanford. Poor timing.  USC is setting up the interim coach to look good, and then there will be the inevitable pressure to give him the job when the players and a certain demographic of the fan base say he is the perfect choice, and thus UCS gets an almost Ed Orgeron/for real Clay Helton 2.0.  Dumb. Florida State: LOL! Teams like FSU should remind Michigan fans: you CAN do worse than Harbaugh.

College Picks Week 3 (11-10-1 vs the spread for the season): Another week of mostly shitty games.

Nebrasska +22 @ Oklahoma: What will Scott Frost's excuse be this week? Oklahoma's cheerleaders didn't douche, and their vaginas smelled so bad it gave all our players migraines.  Anyway, of course Nebrasska will lose, but I am picking them to cover because their defense is average and Oklahoma is one of the softest teams in America and their coach isn't much better than Frost.  Nebrasska.

Cincinnati -3.5 @ Indiana: This game will tell us how much Indiana is back to being Indiana, rather than if Cincy is legit.  Cincinnati.

Purdue +7 @ Notre Dame: Notre Dame barely managed to beat Florida State and Toledo, and while Purdue is also a cream puff, they are a heavier cream than the SemenHoles and Rockets.  Purdue.

Alabama -15.5 @ Florida: The Gators have rushed for 763 yards in their first two games, averaging over 8 yards per carry. . .true, both games were against tomato cans, but even against sissy teams, that's still hard to do.  If they can rush for over 200 yards against the Menstrual Tide, they'll beat the spread.  Florida.

Kent State +22.5 @ Iowa: UPSET SPECIAL. Iowa has no offense, and the Golden Flashes will able to score enough to cover.  Kent State.

Auburn +6 @ Penn State: Penn State's defense is just too good for Never-Lived-Up-To-The-Hype Bo Nix, plus it's a White Out.  Auburn is gonna get a rough dose of Northern Football.  Penn State  

Week 1 NFL Recap: There were some truly dreadful performances. . .the Titans: Mike Vrabel punked by punk Kliff Kingsbury, which means it may be all over for the one-time seeming promising head coach.  He has a tough guy persona, but his defense plays about as muscular as a Thai ladyboy. The Lions: for 55 minutes they were the 49ers punching bag, then they staged a mini-comeback from 38-10 that actually saw them with the ball on the 49er 25 yd line with 30 seconds to go, one score from tying the game.  It's probably more that the 49ers lost interest, they were laughing at the pathetic Lions for most of the game, but at least the Leos kept trying, which is more than they did under Matt Patricia.  The offense looked fairly promising, but the defense still looks absolutely horrendous.  The Packers: LOL! A Super Bowl darling pick, they were plastered by a homeless Saints team.  Aaron Rodgers looked like a long-haired skid row bum, and played like one.  A one game aberration, or, as we thought could be possible, a team that could crack because of MeMe Rodgers off-season drama queen antics?  Trevor Lawrence: He sucked. Tossed three inexcusable INTs. I've said it a few times, but the kid has not improved since his Freshman year at Clemson.  Still plays the same way, showing little interest in the mechanical and mental aspects of the QB position. The guy has all the physical tools to be an All-Timer, but you wonder sometimes about these self-proclaimed Christian college heroes, guys like him and Tebow, if they think God will magically bestow success upon them.  They may mistake a physical talent as a gift from God, and then they end up at a powerhouse college team, where their mistakes are swallowed up by their teams overwhelming talent edge, but they assume it's God blessing them, and that God will always order their steps to sports success. But God don't give a shit about football, and probably would rather Tebow and Lawrence worked in a soup kitchen or a mission field.  At this point, Lawrence is far behind Mac Jones as a professional-ready QB, and even lags behind Zach Wilson.  After one week, I rate the rookie QBs: 1. Zach Wilson 2. Mac Jones  3. Trevor Lawrence.  The Giants: Steam-rolled by the Broncos, played about as inspired of football as you would expect from a team coached by a Bill Belichick clone.  But the worst of all had to be the Atlanta Falcons: clobbered by a shit-ass Eagles team that tore through them with Jalen Hurts at QB. I had a feeling the FedEx heiress Arthur Smith wouldn't be able to relate to most NFL players, and it sure looked that way Sunday.  The Falcons went down without a fight.  Coach of the Week: Dana Scully of the Houston Texans. LOL! He (and his retread DC Lovie Smith) whipped Urban Meyer, and showed the college boy what the pro game is all about.  I've never seen a Meyer team look so amateurish.  I thought he would have the Jags ready.  I was 100% wrong. Maybe Meyer's just mailing it in at this stage, content to cash the giant paychecks his Paki owner gives him.  Whatever the reason, it was not a promising start.  In fact, it was a start that looked like Meyer is isolated from his own team.  But, hey, this is about Dana Scully, a laughable hire expected to put the League's worst team on the field, but the Texans looked better than most of the teams with rookie coaches.  And Hell, the Texans are in the worst division, by far, in the League, so he may even win 4 or 5 more games.  6-11 could win that shit-ass division.    

NFL Picks Week 2 (5-6 vs spread for the season): 

NY Giants +4 @ Washington: Ryan Fitzpatrick lasted about 5 minutes, then fell down and broke a hip like an old lady.  LOL! The Giants sucked against Denver.  The loser of this game immediately becomes the NFC's worst team. I guess I'll take the shit-ass team getting the points.  New York.

Buffalo -3 @ Miami: Miami got a bit lucky in their win over NE, the Patriots literally fumbled the game away, and Buffalo got pushed around by the Steelers.  Josh Allen looked feeble.  He needs to step up this week, or Buffalo's season will already be on life support.  Buffalo.

New England -5.5 @ New York Jets: Zach Wilson got his ass sacked a ton, and really struggled early, but he hung in there, showed toughness, and started to sling the football pretty good in the second half, keeping the Jets in the game.  Outside of his first pass, when he intentionally grounded a lateral(!), Mac Jones looked like a veteran QB.  The kid throws a nice ball, and while he doesn't have a rocket arm, he showed he could make enough throws to win a lot of games in the League.  The Patriots got a bargain getting him at #15.  At worst, he will be the third best QB from this draft, and depending on how Lawrence progresses, or if Wilson gets crippled, he could end up first or second.  The teams that passed on him for Lance and Fields made big mistakes.  New England.

Las Vegas +5.5 @ Pittsburgh: The Raiders won a game even though they Raidered!  Overcoming their horrible goal line gOOfs and beating the Ravens may signal they finally have a little bit of mental toughness under Jon Gruden.  The Steelers defense was outstanding against the Bills. . .but their offense sucked, and Najee Harris looked like a plowhorse, like I thought he was.  The Raiders have far more weapons on offense than the Bills.  Las Vegas.

Cincinnati +3 @ Chicago: Joe Burrow getting 3 against Dalton-Fields??  LOL!  EZ Money!  Cincinnati.

Minnesota +4.5 @ Arizona: If the Vikings lose this one, the Mike Zimmer death watch begins.  Arizona really surprised me with that epic beat-down of the Titans.  But I have to believe it was more due to the internal problems on Tennessee being even worse than I thought.  Minnesota has a better roster than Arizona. No excuses for the great excuse maker Zimmer.  Got to win this one.  Minnesota.

Kansas City -3.5 @ Baltimore: A brutal opening two games for the IR Ravens.  (But they get the Lions in Week 3).  The Raiders, after the first quarter, were clearly the better team, and they exposed the Ravens deficiencies in pass offense and pass defense.  KC was gifted a win by the Browns, who once again shrank in the Big Moments.  I'm not convinced the Chiefs are a powerhouse, and perhaps the Ravens could steal a win with a dominating run game. . .but I doubt it.  Kansas City.     

Detroit +10.5 @ Green Bay: MeMe Rodgers didn't look ready for the season to begin in Week 1.  But after hearing a little Media criticism, I imagine she'll be dialed in for a Monday Night Show, plus the Lions defense is abysmal.  Jordan Love could probably beat them.  The Lions offense flashed some potential against the 49ers, but their only hope is Jared gOOf playing mistake-free football and the sorry-ass defense snagging a couple Packer turnovers, otherwise, this game will look pretty much like the first 55 minutes of the 49ers game.  Green Bay.

08 September 2021

2021 College Football Week 2, NFL Week 1

A terrible slate of games in Week 2 of college ball.  Mercer is playing Alabama, for crying out loud.  How is that even allowed?  All this shit about re-alignment, expansion, super conferences, you got to do something so that real games are played every week.  8-6-1 vs spread last week.

Oregon +14 @ Ohio State: Oregon got out-gained by Fresno State, and struggled hard to win.  They're gonna all of a sudden have a defense to stop the Buckeyes?  No.  They are gonna get BLOWN OUT.  Ohio State

Toledo +17 @ Notre Dame: The Irish have a new DC, and the results were piss-fucking-poor in Week 1 against the SemenHoles.  Toledo's probably a better team than FSU.  Toledo

Ball State +22.5 @ Penn State: The Shittany Lions have a roster full of 4 & 5 star recruits, but year-after-year they play sod-buster football. They should mop the floor with Ball State, but will struggle and won't put them away until late in the game. Ball State.

Buffalo +13.5 @ Nebrasska: A B1G team at home not even a two touchdown favorite over a MAC team? This is the fourth year of Scott Frost, you think the slappies in Lincoln figured they'd ever be fretting if their Golden Boy could handle a MAC team? I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if Buffalo wins, outright. Buffalo.

Iowa +4.5 @ Iowa State: Iowa State is only a Top 10 team because they play in a shit-ass conference.  It's absurd that Iowa is getting points.  Iowa will kick their ass, and then the Cyclones will win a bunch of games against candy-ass teams and Media will fawn all over snaggle-toothed Matt Campbell because they only lose by 10 to shit-ass Oklahoma in the Sissy Conference Title Game.  It's such a limp-wristed conference, Oklahoma and Texas can't wait to get out of it.  Iowa

Eastern Michigan +25.5 @ Wisconsin: I don't even know if Wisconsin can score 26 points.  Graham Mertz was a Big Time QB recruit, but he has played like a bum, he single-hand
edly lost the PSU game for the Badgers.  Eastern hangs tough against B1G teams on the road, and even managed to knock off a couple of the lightweights, Purdue and Illinois, in recent years.  They should be able to lose by only 21 or so.  Eastern Michigan.

Idaho @ Indiana: No line as of Tuesday.  If they set one, take Idaho, whatever it is.  Indiana football is BACK.  Back to being lousy.  They won a few games in the covid season and the Media made Tom Allen into Vince Lombardi, but last week showed he's still Tom Allen, a gOOfball high school coach who lucked into a B1G job.

Washington +6 @ Michigan: Washington lost at home to Montana, and now they go on the road and are only a 6 point underdog, that tells you all you need to know about Jim Harbaugh's tattered reputation. Michigan.

NFL Week One

Dallas +7.5 @ Tampa Bay: I got a feeling Dak Prescott will be crying and in street clothes by half-time.  Tampa Bay.

Philadelphia +3.5 @ Atlanta: Arthur *Silver Spoon* Smith, the FedEx heiress, gets as EZ an opener as possible, going against Jalen Hurts and a Jim Schwartz-less Eagle defense.  If he can't win this game, it means the players have already tuned out Little Lord Fauntleroy.  Atlanta.

Pittsburgh +6.5 @ Buffalo: Too many points.  Bills win, but don't cover.  Pittsburgh.

Minnesota -3 @ Cincinnati: This could be the wildest game of the day, I expect both teams to score a lot of points this season (for the Vikings, until Kirk Cousins gets covid).  They are already worried about Ja'Marr Chase being a flop in Cincy.  That means he'll probably rack up 150 yds and 2 tds in this one.  Minnesota.

San Francisco -7.5 @ Detroit: I expect the 49ers to win, but will not cover because genius Kyle Shanahan's dumb two QB system will consistently interrupt the 49ers offensive momentum, and a Trey Lance turnover will help keep the Lions close all the way to the end.  Detroit.

Los Angeles Chargers -1 @ Washington: I expect to see a significant decline in Justin Herbert this year, look for him to turn the ball over a lot more without Anthony Lynn to chaperone him.  This game won't be close.  To me, it's a joke the Chargers are favored. Washington.

New York Jets +5 @ Carolina: Zach Wilson +5 against Sam Darnold?  C'mon!  New York.

Jacksonville -3 @ Houston: Can you imagine if Trevor Lawrence and Urban Meyer lose to Nimrod Taylor and. . .what's his name?. . .Dana Scully? LOL!  Houston.

Cleveland +6 @ Kansas City: The Browns are the better team, plain and simple.  Cleveland.

Chicago +7.5 @ Los Angeles Rams: The debut of genius Sean McVay and his new girlfriend QB Kelly Stafford.  Can't wait to see the look on McVay's stupid face the moment Kelly tosses a dumbass pick 6.  It will happen.  Stafford is still Stafford.  That said, I doubt the Bears will win, because they have a thin line-up on offense, and their defense is aging, but Kelly will manage to keep the Rams from covering.  Chicago.

Baltimore -5 @ Las Vegas: It's time for Jon Gruden to shit or get off the pot.  He hired Gus Bradley and Rod Moronelli to fix the defense, all they gotta do is stop the run in Week 1.  If they get run over by the Ravens, the season is already lost, because it means the defense is still feeble.  I like Derek Carr (Carr is a true version of the Media version of Kelly Stafford) and the Raider offense.  Let's hope they aren't wasted another season by poor coaching and tissue paper defense.  Las Vegas.

01 September 2021

College Football 2021, Week One

Ohio State -14 @ Minnesota: The Buckeyes defense was mediocre last year, Minnesota has some decent players on offense, if the new OSU QB is slow out of the gate, the Urine-Colored Gophers could take an early lead, then hang on for a 13 point loss.  Minnesota

Penn State +5.5 @ Wisconsin: The Badgers have some weird domestic violence type situation going on in their running backs room, one claims another assaulted him in his dorm room.  Sounds vaguely gay, for that reason we pick: Penn State

Alabama -19.5 vs Miami: If the new Alabama QB is slow out of the gate, the Hurricanes could take an early lead, then hang on for a 19 point loss.  But I don't think that is gonna happen.  Then again, Bill O'Brien is Nick Saban's new OC, he ain't no Lane Kiffin or Cutty Sarkisian.  Hopefully we'll get to see a beet-red in the face Saban yelling at O'Brien early in the second half.  Miami

Louisiana +8 @ Texas: Cutty Sarkisian's first game as Longhorn HC could be a wild one.  Texas has a giant talent edge.  I mean, they have a roster that's as loaded as anybody's this side of Alabama and Ohio State. . .but they've been poorly coached for so long, they can lose to just about anybody on their schedule.  Louisiana has one of the great southern coaches, Billy Napier, they will be ready and won't be wetting their pants. . .but I just have a feeling the Longhorns will overwhelm them, I've sipped the Hudson Card/Bijan Robinson Kool-Aid. Texas

San Jose State +14 @ USC: USC rarely blows anybody out.  They can't play 60 true minutes of football, they'll win, but have enough of their usual off series to allow SJS to cover.  San Jose State.

Georgia +3 vs Clemson: Huge game, two title contenders go right at it Week One.  Clemson can lose and still run the table and make the playoffs, so this game isn't as pressure packed as it is for Georgia.  Georgia ain't running the table in the SEC.  Wait. I just checked Georgia's schedule. LOL! No Alabama, no Texas A&M, no LSU.  Not even Ole Miss. Only one tough game, Florida, and one possible tough game, Auburn.  So the loser of this game will not have their playoff chances crushed.  Clemson has looked a little too finesse the last two years.  And Ohio State really kicked their ass.  I think Georgia is too physical for the pretty boys from Clemson, just as long as JT Daniels doesn't get injured.  If the Bulldogs have to use a back-up QB, game over. Georgia

LSU -3 @ UCLA: Most interesting game of the week.  Two big question mark teams.  The 2019 LSU team was one of the All-Time Greats, but they lost a ton of players and coaches, and they looked amateurish for most of 2020, a real nose dive.  It's time for Chip Kelly to shit or get off the pot at UCLA.  Fourth year, veteran QB, system fully installed with his guys, they looked decent at times in 2020.  LSU still has a roster of 4 and 5 star recruits, while UCLA is mostly a 3 star team, but comic figure coach Ed Orgeron has once again had to remake his coaching staff. . .unfortunately, it looks like 2019 was the anomaly for Ed and LSU. . .and there's also the stink of seeming countless athletics scandals in Baton Rouge.  LSU just smells like a corpse.  UCLA.  

Bonus Picks: Western Michigan +17 over Michigan, Kent State +28.5 over Texas A&M, Northern Iowa +32 over Iowa St, Eastern Illinois +40.5 over South Carolina, Oregon St +7 over Purdue, East Tennessee St +21.5 over Vanderbilt, Florida St +7.5 over ND, Ole Miss -9.5 over Louisville.