20 October 2021

2021 College Football Week 8, NFL Week 7

Week 7 College RecapVerified: Dan Mullen, shit-ass coach and most over-rated coach in college football. Ed Orgeron seems almost happy he’s shit-canned. Maybe he just wants to fornicate full-time with any wet-hole who will have him. Football was getting in the way of his second childhood. Cutty Sark and the Longhorns fell off the wagon, again. How much are they paying this guy to have a fourth or fifth place team in a shit-ass league? I bet Cutty never coaches Texas in an SEC game. Ole Miss-Tennessee: LOL! Karma for Volunteer fans: Sleepy Joe Milton.

College Picks Week 8 (28-22-1 vs the spread for the season):

Washington -18 @ Arizona: No team coached by Jimmy Lake is ever a legit 18 point favorite.  Arizona

Oklahoma -38.5 @ Kansas: Fuck Lincoln Riley and his pussy-ass Oklahoma team.  Notre Dame is more real than these non-binaries.  Kansas.

Northwestern +23.5 @ Michigan: Seems a little lite, to me.  Northwestern has been shit-ass most of the year, and are the only team in existence that can't keep Nebraska to a one-score game, as somehow they managed to lose to the Cornholers by 49!!  Michigan.

Illinois +23.5 @ Penn State: I'm basing this on the assumption that even if Sean Clifford can play, James Franklin isn't dumb enough to risk getting him so badly hurt he can't play in the real game next week against Ohio State.  He can beat Illinois by 17 just running the ball 55 times

Oregon +2 @ UCLA: Both teams have poor QBs, and I believe Mario Crystalball is an over-rated coach who knows how to assemble a top flight recruiting staff, and Chip Kelly is a poor recruiter and an eccentric coach.  I'm surprised Oregon is getting points, considering how badly UCLA shit itself in its only other big conference game this year, getting smoked by Herm Edwards and Arizona State.  No outcome in this oddball game in a shit-ass conference would really surprise me, though.  I'll pick the Ducks just because they are getting a couple points.  Oregon.

Clemson +3 @ Pittsburgh: Who would have thought before the year started Pitt would be the favorite in this game?  Yeah, they've won some games and scored a ton of points. . .but remember, they lost to Western Michigan.  I can't believe they are actually capable of beating Clemson.  Yeah, I know, Clemson barely beat Syracuse.  They still got 25 players better than Pitt's best player. Clemson.

LSU +9 @ Mississippi
: Ed Orgeron will probably spend most of the game by the stands yelling who's going home with me tonight?  This is way too many points to give LSU.  LSU.

Tennessee +25.5 @ Menstrual Tide: If Joe Milton has to start for Tennessee, Alabama will cover by half-time.  Menstrual Tide.

Ohio State -20 @ Indiana: LOL!  OSU will be up 21 by the end of the first quarter.  Bet the house on this one.  Ohio State.

Week 6 NFL Recap: Cleveland Browns, WTF!?!? Get yer shit together! Good for Urban Meyer. Brian Flores: LOL! All these shit-ass Belichick assistants try to look hard on the sideline, and yet their teams play like candy-asses. Flores and Joe Judge are the worst. They should be forced to make a snuff film with Matt Patricia. Titans are the worst 4-2 team. Please, Derrick Henry, don’t drag that shit-ass defense into the playoffs, again.

NFL Picks Week 7 (23-30-1 vs the spread for the season):

Denver +2.5 @ Cleveland: Both these teams are on life support.  The fucking Browns look like a team with no heart.  Broncos are the victims of probably the League's worst coaching staff, a bunch of Dick Vermeil-era retreads who think analytics are a category in the old video store behind the curtain gay section. Case Keenum probably starts for the Browns.  Might be a good thing.  Maybe they will just run the fuck out of Nick Chubb, which should be enough to beat the Broncos.  Cleveland.

Cincinnati +6 @ Baltimore: Ja'Marr Chase is clearly the Rookie of the Year, so far, and John Harbaugh is Coach of the Year, so far.  Cincinnati.

Detroit +16.5! @ Los Angeles Rams
: Here it is, the Nightmare for Lions fans.  Princess Kelly Stafford and boyfriend Sean McVay vs pumpkin Jared gOOf and the only win-less team in the League, Your Detroit Lions.  3 fucking hours of the broadcasters (please, no Gus Johnson!) praising Princess Kelly and McVay while lamenting the 12 awful years Princess Kelly was locked in the Detroit dungeon.  If there is a Just Football God who pities the downtrodden, Michael Brockers will sack Princess Kelly and break her collarbone, and Jared gOOf will recover his own fumble in the endzone for the game-winning Lions TD.  Detroit.  

Houston +20!! @ Arizona: The Texans have been slaughtered the last two times they played on the road, getting out-scored 71-3.  Now they face the only undefeated team?  This is still the NFL, though.  The Jets were a 17 point underdog at the Rams last year, and won. . .oh, yeah. . .Jared gOOf was the Rams QB, then.  OK.  But still. . .  Houston.

13 October 2021

2021 College Football Week 7, NFL Week 6

Week 6 College Recap: Some outstanding games last week.  Did not see A&M's win over the Menstrual Tide coming.  A&M had not done a thing all year.  Alabama still has a roster of 4 and 5 star recruits, top roster in the game. . .but. . .this season's 5 stars are not the same as previous.  There is no Jeudy, Waddle, Ruggs, Smith. . .not even a Najee Harris.  This Alabama team cannot score at will, and thus are made vulnerable by their declined defense.  Alabama used to play defense like Georgia plays defense.  Now they are a Penn State or Iowa level defense.  A good defense, but not one that can shut down even an above average offense for 60 minutes.  Oklahoma and Texas played an entertaining game of flag football, and Lincoln Riley, the most over-rated coach, must be saluted for benching Spencer Rattler.  Not many coaches would sit a prima donna QB that quick.  Unfortunately for the rest of us, Oklahoma will now once again get into the Playoff and promptly give up 45+ points.  Scott Frost had to fight back the tears after Nebrasska once again fumbled away an opportunity for the so-called *signature* win.  After the game he blamed the zebras and talked about his 3-4 team as if they had just won a championship. Penn State's back-up QB was given the game ball by Iowa. . .ba-dum-tish! For real, though, rough game for the kid.  You don't want to be a black QB and play bad for that part of Pennsylvania.  Kentucky probably made Ed Orgeron a Dead Man Walking. 

College Picks Week 7 (25-21-1 vs the spread for the season):

Oklahoma State +5.5 @ Texas: Cutty Sark's Longhorns got the DTs against Oklahoma, their defense too busy clawing at the imaginary insects on their arms to tackle the ball carrier on the last play.  That was a drunk's loss, all the way.  Self-inflicted.  They are going for their 1 week chip against OK St, but I bet they fall off the wagon, again.  Oklahoma State.  

Florida -10 @ LSU: LOL! The Two Shitty Coaches Bowl!  I mean, LSU is begging Florida to kick its ass, but Dan Mullen will fuck it up, like he always does.  This is probably the only good team (on paper) Orgeron can still beat.  LSU.

Kentucky +23.5 @ Georgia: I know Georgia is a monster this year. . .but this seems like a lot of points. . .Georgia only beat them by 11 last year.  Kentucky.

Alabama -17 @ Mississippi State: Too many points for a non-vintage Menstrual Tide team against a Mike Leach team.  Mississippi State.

Week 5 NFL Recap: LOL!  Once again, more news was made off the field.  Last week it was Urban Meyer's finger in Cayman Nebraska's anus, this week it's Jon Gruden's eleven years old  n gger lips email!  The League is littered with thugs and rapists of all colors and preferences, yet Gruden isn't welcome because of some crude personal emails??  I mean, Lions fans had to endure 3 dark years of Matt Patricia football even though he raped a girl in college!  There was barely a peep made about that, but Gruden is out for email??  An absurd *policy.*  Anyways. . .on the field the Browns once again closed small, showing they are still not quite ready to take the final step to team greatness. . .they got 12 more games to get this shit right and make the Super Bowl, otherwise they just wasted the best roster in football.  The Seahawks look dead in the water at 2-3 and Russell Wilson out for at least 4 games.  Dan Campbell cried after the Lions latest WTF?!?! loss.  Hayley Mills probably had the best game of any rookie QB this year. . .but the Texans faded badly and blew a winnable game against New England. . .man, we almost had Dana Scully beating Belichick!  As it is, it took a ridiculous 3rd and 18 roughing the passer call to save the Pats.  They are a horseshit team still getting treated by the zebras like they are a Glamour Team.  I gotta admit, crybaby Dak Prescott and the Cowboys offense looks pretty damn good.  Kellen Moore will be a HC next year, probably have his pick of jobs.  Lamar Jackson passed the Ravens to a huge comeback win??  Never thought I would see that.  Good for him and his ugly mug.

NFL Picks Week 6 (21-26-1 vs the spread for the season):

Miami -3.5 vs Jacksonville
: What a dog of a game for London.  The only action will be off the field, with Shelley Meyer hitting the East End looking for a tart to bring back to her hotel room for her and Urban to play with.  I actually believe Jacksonville is the better team.  They can run the ball, and Girl Hair Lawrence is cutting down on his INTs.  Jacksonville.

Green Bay -4.5 @ Chicago: The Bears defense played a helluva game against the Raiders.  The Packers are once again a mediocre team with a great QB and a fake SB contender won-loss record.  Packers win because of MeMe Rodgers.  Green Bay

Cincinnati -3.5 @ Detroit: Based on nothing other than cosmic sentimentality, I predict the Lions are fated to win this Sunday in order to restore serenity to Dan Campbell's tortured soul.  Detroit

Los Angeles Chargers +3 @ Baltimore: The Chargers have surprised me the most of any team.  The Ravens are 4-1 not on talent, but on character.  Interesting game.  Los Angeles Chargers.

Arizona +3 @ Cleveland: Time for the Arizona bubble to burst.  Cleveland.

Las Vegas +3.5 @ Denver: Both teams started 3-0 and are now on 2 game losing streaks.  The supposedly tough Denver defense flopped against a shit-ass Steeler offense.  The Raiders have the perfect excuse to lay down and die.  Denver

06 October 2021

2021 College Football Week 6, NFL Week 5

Week 5 College Recap: Lane Kiffen laid a pretty big egg, after acting like a douche bag in the pregame interview with the CBS sideline sex robot. Now that Jim Harbaugh had to take a 50% pay cut, it's pretty clear Jimbo Fisher is the most over-paid coach in college football. Mike Leach beat him on his home field with a shit-ass team. Mike Gundy is quietly doing a good job this year. He'd been kinda laughed at the last couple years, but the guy wins games in a state where he will always be second fiddle. He's a gOOfball who often puts his foot in his mouth, a Jesus-less Dabo Swinney, but I think an under-rated coach. Everything was set for Chip Kelly to win big this year in the Pac-12, it's a shit-ass conference with no good teams, and he had a veteran roster, but he's only 3-2. Unless he finds a hidden gem QB under a rock somewhere, he'll never duplicate the success he had at Oregon. He's a has-been. And so is Ed Orgeron. C'mon, that roster is loaded with more players than anybody except Alabama and Ohio State, and they been mediocre ever since his title team coordinators left. The worst Power 5 head coach might be the Jimmy Lake clown at Washington. Weird guy. He smirks on the sideline while his team is getting its ass handed to it. They were Top 15 preseason and supposed to be there with Oregon in the Pac-12, but they are playing shit-ass ball, wasting a defense loaded with NFL prospects. The Playoff is just about set. Alabama, Georgia and Cincinnati are in. The last spot is Oklahoma's if they run the table. However, if they lose one game, and I think they will, I think Texas knocks them off, then there are several teams still alive, but I would bet my money right now on Ohio State, with Penn State a close second (if they beat Iowa). Iowa, even if they beat Penn State, I just don't think they have the offense to run the table, as great as their defense is, somebody is gonna score at least 21 on them, and their offense will shit the bed. The only way an ACC or Pac-12 team make the playoff is if the B1G West champ pulls a massive upset over Ohio State or Penn State.

College Picks Week 6 (22-19-1 vs the spread for the season):

Texas +3.5 vs Oklahoma: A Texas win opens up the last spot in the Playoff.  I should probably pick Oklahoma, this looks like the week Cutty Sark's idiotic decision to dump Hudson Card after 1 1/2 games for the less talented Casey Thompson will come back to bite him in the ass. . .but. . .Lincoln Riley is a lousy coach, and Cutty will coach rings around him and find some way to beat Alex Grinch's defense.  I'll bet against them next week against Oklahoma State.  Texas.

Arkansas +6 @ Mississippi: The Hangover Bowl.  Both teams got hammered by the Big Boys (the Menstrual Tide and Georgia) last week.  Lane Kiffen seems more like the type to pout all week than Sam Pittman, so I'll take: Arkansas.

Georgia -14.5 @ Auburn: It's hard to get a good read on Auburn.  They've played a weird mix of teams, Penn State, LSU, Georgia State, with varying results.  If Georgia has to play the comical Stetson Bennett at QB, I suppose Auburn's defense could hold up enough to gain a 14 point loss, after all their defense is probably not much less talented than Clemson's, and Clemson managed to hang in all game.  Georgia's looked like a beast so far, though.  Their defense gives up nothing.  I just can't see Auburn losing by less than 20.  Georgia.

Penn State +2 @ Iowa: I really don't think either of these teams is Top 4 material, although it does seem this year that there are only really 2 elite teams, Georgia and Alabama, so maybe this really is a big game.  Both QBs run hot and cold, in particular the Iowa QB.  The PSU QB can be a factor running, he runs like a fullback.  Iowa's defense has been under-appreciated for years.  They rarely make a mistake and allow EZ yards.  Points will be at a premium in this game, so I'll take the the team getting the points, especially since they will have the best player on the field, Jahan Dotson, one big play from him, maybe on a punt return, could make the difference.  Penn State.

Michigan -3.5 @ Nebrasska: The Hot Seat Coaches Bowl.  Probably the biggest game of their careers at their current schools for Scott Frost and Jim Harbaugh.  Both are former glamour boy QBs come back to restore glory to the old alma mater. . .but the results have been disappointing, to say the least.  Michigan is 5-0 and looking much better than the abysmal 2020 team, which played so soft and so uninspired, it cost Jim Harbaugh a $4 million pay cut to keep his job.  If Harbaugh can win this and the Michigan State game, he will have probably done enough to buy a free pass for the Penn State and Ohio State games, especially as he seems to have a plan to groom JJ McCarthy for a big 2022 season, in which Michigan has an easier schedule than this year.  Scott Frost has done even less, stringing together 3 straight losing seasons of shit-ass football.  Nebrasska's 3-3, but should be 5-1, they kicked away games against Illinois and Michigan State, which makes this one so important.  He needs to win a game against a team that at least looks good on paper, and he would get to 4-3 with two easy games coming up, before a brutal end to the season with Ohio State, Wisconsin and Iowa.  If he loses to Michigan, a fourth straight losing season looms.  I doubt he would be fired, but there would be little momentum heading into his crucial 5th year, a year in which he will have a much younger team and have to break in a new QB.  He needs this winning season to buy off a rough 2022 and keep himself from lame duck status.  The key to the game, as most Nebrasska games, is will Adrian Martinez and the special teams avoid the stupid mistakes which have cost them so many games.  They are coming off their most complete performance of the Frost era, granted it was against shit-ass Northwestern. . .but is it really asking too much of Nebrasska to play two clean games in a row?  Plus, I just don't think it is in the cards for Jim Harbaugh at Michigan, I haven't ever since that 4th down OT spot in the 2016 Ohio State game.  I think his reluctance to put too much on McCarthy this year hurts him big time in this game, as Cade McNamara will toss a couple horrible INTs.  Nebrasska.

Week 4 NFL Recap: Urban Meyer *sickened* by loss to Cincinnati, doesn't fly home with team. Video surfaces of Meyer on a bar stool with a young blonde named Cayman Nebraska twerking her ass against his cock (we don't know if his cock was erect or flaccid). Second video surfaces, this one showing Meyer fingering blonde's anus/cunt, thus leading one to believe Meyer's cock was probably erect in video #1. Meyer apologizes to players and owner for being a distraction, to wife for being a man. Paki Jaguars owner scolds Meyer in public statement.  Meyer reportedly a laughingstock to his players.  Trevor Lawrence thinking, man, college ball did nothing to prepare me for this shit.  All this scandal is due to the modern stocks of Social Media.  In the electronic age of the All-Seeing iPhone Camera, everyone will be shamed for 15 minutes.  What amusement Meyer has provided Social Media!  The NFL continues to make more news off the field.  The Meyer *scandal* dwarfs Brady's Homecoming.  Anyway, it seems most *experts* believe Meyer will fail in the NFL.  I still believe he can win, but only if he is truly still coaching.  There is some evidence now to suspect he is just mailing it in just to cash a big paycheck from his Paki owner.  The Paki owner may have suspected he had been fleeced, prompting him to issue the scolding public statement over a trivial incident as the first step to getting out of a ridiculous contract for a coach who no longer lives and dies with the game.  We'll see.  MVP Kelly Stafford and boyfriend Genius Coach Sean McVay lost a game???  Sports Media told us this was practically impossible!  What happened??  Did Kelly sneak back to Detroit and roll around in a stinking pile of Lion shit??  Jimmy Crappolo injured again.  Although it probably isn't really an injury, just Jimmy's low threshold for discomfort.  His softness cost his team the game.  Lost in all the Tom Brady You Can't Go Home Again hype is the fact Bill Belichick is now 1-3, after a losing season last year.  So, when does he stop being considered a great coach, and not just a bum who lucked into Tom Brady?  His chickenshit decision not to go for it on 4th down late in the first half cost his team 3 points.  He gave the ball back to Tom Brady, who easily marched the Bucs into field goal range.  And what if he loses to Dana Scully and Hayley Mills this week?  If there is such a thing as football karma, it will happen.  Nobody is due for more football shit-storms than that (meritless) arrogant prick

NFL Picks Week 5 (20-21-1 vs the spread for the season):

Los Angeles Rams -2.5 @ Seattle: The Seahawks are a shaky 2-2, lucky Jimmy Crappolo begged out of the last game, or they'd be 1-3.  Man-for-man the Rams are the better roster, but Seattle has the better QB and is getting points.  If the Rams lose this one, the collar will start to tighten on MVP Kelly Stafford.  Seattle.

New York Jets +3 vs Atlanta: Zach Wilson had his best game, making some great throws to help the Jets get their first win.  The kid does not panic or get down on himself.  Unlike some QBs, such as Jared gOOf, when a play starts to go bad, such as a mishandled snap, Wilson doesn't freeze.  Against the Titans he simply scooped up a bobbled snap, dropped back a couple steps and calmly delivered a perfect deep pass to set-up a game-tying TD.  Wilson will probably end up the best of this year's rookie QB crop.  This is the Falcons fourth tomato can shit-ass team in five games, yet if they drop this one, they'd be a shameful 1-4.  I'll take Xerxes over Little Lord Fauntleroy, who I hear has spent most of the week lining up sightseeing events for his players, he wants to make sure they don't miss out on the cultural gems of London, even has an afternoon tea booked for the entire team at Petersham Nurseries!   New York Jets.

Detroit +7.5 @ Minnesota
: This one will be ugly. The Lions secondary has more holes than the crotch in Cayman Nebraska's jeans after a night out with Urban Meyer.  And the offensive line is in a shambles.  Minnesota can name their score in this one.  Minnesota.

Tennessee -4 @ Jacksonville
: If Jacksonville gets blown out, Urban Meyer might resign.  He tends to quit when the road gets a little bumpy, and a blow out loss to a mediocre team would probably indicate his players have bagged it.  Do the Jags really want to try to get in Derrick Henry's way for their coach?  Henry would set a single-game rushing record in this one, if it wasn't already over by half-time. Tennessee.

Chicago +5.5 @ Las Vegas: Must win for Raiders.  Can't lose to a shit-ass team at home, can't follow a nice 3-0 start with 2 losses.  Derek Carr needs a big game after being called out as psychologically fragile by Joey Bosa.  The Bears defense still has a few teeth left, but their offense lost their best player, RB David Montgomery.  Still, could be a better game than most expect.  Las Vegas.

Cleveland +1.5 @ Los Angeles Chargers: After shitting away their first game to KC, the Browns are slowly rounding into SB form.  I expect the Browns to win the AFC, their defense particularly is getting it into gear.  Will be a long afternoon for Justin Herbert.  Browns getting points?  Lock of the season, so far.  Cleveland.