College Picks Week 8 (28-22-1 vs the spread for the season):
Washington -18 @ Arizona: No team coached by Jimmy Lake is ever a legit 18 point favorite. Arizona.
Oklahoma -38.5 @ Kansas: Fuck Lincoln Riley and his pussy-ass Oklahoma team. Notre Dame is more real than these non-binaries. Kansas.
Northwestern +23.5 @ Michigan: Seems a little lite, to me. Northwestern has been shit-ass most of the year, and are the only team in existence that can't keep Nebraska to a one-score game, as somehow they managed to lose to the Cornholers by 49!! Michigan.
Illinois +23.5 @ Penn State: I'm basing this on the assumption that even if Sean Clifford can play, James Franklin isn't dumb enough to risk getting him so badly hurt he can't play in the real game next week against Ohio State. He can beat Illinois by 17 just running the ball 55 times. Illinois.
Oregon +2 @ UCLA: Both teams have poor QBs, and I believe Mario Crystalball is an over-rated coach who knows how to assemble a top flight recruiting staff, and Chip Kelly is a poor recruiter and an eccentric coach. I'm surprised Oregon is getting points, considering how badly UCLA shit itself in its only other big conference game this year, getting smoked by Herm Edwards and Arizona State. No outcome in this oddball game in a shit-ass conference would really surprise me, though. I'll pick the Ducks just because they are getting a couple points. Oregon.
Clemson +3 @ Pittsburgh: Who would have thought before the year started Pitt would be the favorite in this game? Yeah, they've won some games and scored a ton of points. . .but remember, they lost to Western Michigan. I can't believe they are actually capable of beating Clemson. Yeah, I know, Clemson barely beat Syracuse. They still got 25 players better than Pitt's best player. Clemson.
Tennessee +25.5 @ Menstrual Tide: If Joe Milton has to start for Tennessee, Alabama will cover by half-time. Menstrual Tide.
Ohio State -20 @ Indiana: LOL! OSU will be up 21 by the end of the first quarter. Bet the house on this one. Ohio State.
Week 6 NFL Recap: Cleveland Browns, WTF!?!? Get yer shit together! Good for Urban Meyer. Brian Flores: LOL! All these shit-ass Belichick assistants try to look hard on the sideline, and yet their teams play like candy-asses. Flores and Joe Judge are the worst. They should be forced to make a snuff film with Matt Patricia. Titans are the worst 4-2 team. Please, Derrick Henry, don’t drag that shit-ass defense into the playoffs, again.
Denver +2.5 @ Cleveland: Both these teams are on life support. The fucking Browns look like a team with no heart. Broncos are the victims of probably the League's worst coaching staff, a bunch of Dick Vermeil-era retreads who think analytics are a category in the old video store behind the curtain gay section. Case Keenum probably starts for the Browns. Might be a good thing. Maybe they will just run the fuck out of Nick Chubb, which should be enough to beat the Broncos. Cleveland.
Cincinnati +6 @ Baltimore: Ja'Marr Chase is clearly the Rookie of the Year, so far, and John Harbaugh is Coach of the Year, so far. Cincinnati.
+16.5! @ Los Angeles Rams: Here it is, the Nightmare for Lions fans. Princess Kelly Stafford and boyfriend Sean McVay vs pumpkin Jared gOOf and the only win-less team in the League, Your Detroit Lions. 3 fucking hours of the broadcasters (please, no Gus Johnson!) praising Princess Kelly and McVay while lamenting the 12 awful years Princess Kelly was locked in the Detroit dungeon. If there is a Just Football God who pities the downtrodden, Michael Brockers will sack Princess Kelly and break her collarbone, and Jared gOOf will recover his own fumble in the endzone for the game-winning Lions TD. Detroit.