Week 3 College Recap: Florida had the physical skill to beat Alabama, but not the mental acuity, and thus they lost a game in which they soundly out-played the Menstrual Tide for the last 3 quarters. They out-rushed Alabama 245 - 91. . .but lost. Too many mental errors, the same problem that always seem to plague Dan Mullen teams (remember the shoe toss incident last year?). This is why I don't consider Mullen an elite coach. He reminds me of Jim Schwartz, in that his personal immaturity seems to bleed over onto his players. Too bad. As for the Menstrual Tide, nobody should be afraid to play them this year. They're still good, but they frighten nobody on offense or defense. In Civil War Football, the North was 2-0 as Auburn lost up north to Penn State, Michigan State went down south and bullied pantywaist Miami (of Florida). Let's face facts, Miami has been a shit-ass team for way longer than Florida State, but for some reason, they never seem to take the same type Media heat. Manny Diaz is the latest in a long line of shit-ass coaches *The U* has hired. SissyBlue UCLA could not sustain.
College Picks Week 4 (16-11-1 vs the spread for the season): Another week of mostly shitty games.
Notre Dame +5.5 @ Wisconsin: Jack Coan going against his old team, he'd love to show up Big Time Recruit/Mediocre QB Graham Mertz. . .but he wont. Wisconsin's defense is too tough, and the ND defense is too soft to handle the Badger running game. I expect Wisconsin to give the Irish a savage beating. Wisconsin.
Texas Tech +8.5 @ Texas: Cutty Sark believes his unbelievably quick QB switch worked because the Longhorns trounced Rice. . .man, c'mon! You don't make any judgments about your team after playing Rice! Texas is as dysfunctional as ever. I don't even know a thing about Texas Tech. Don't know who their coach is, or who their QB is. But I do know Texas. That's enough for me take the Red Raiders and the points. Texas Tech.
Texas A&M -5.5 @ Arkansas: When the Hogs hired Sam Pittman, an old fat OL coach, I just shrugged and said at least he fits the Arkansas nickname. But the guy has made Arkansas better, there is no doubt. They play a nice physical brand of football, and I like them to wallow around in the mire and muck it up against Jimbo Fisher, who is more PR shill than coach. A&M isn't nearly as good as everyone thinks. Arkansas.
Iowas State -6.5 @ Baylor: Iowa State was the Media darling pick before the season started. The Little Engine That Could. LOL! They've sputtered all year, barely beating shit-ass tomato can teams and getting spanked by mediocre Iowa. Baylor should run by them. And then we can forget about the Cyclones for the rest of the year. Baylor.
Clemson -10 @ North Carolina State: Clemson has gotten soft. They got their fancy football building with all the amusements, they got all the white girls showing leg while they help the black players do their book learning, they got a coach who went from having a chip on his shoulder to being an entitled church snob. I don't even know a thing about North Carolina State. Don't know who their coach is, or who their QB is. . .you know the drill. North Carolina State.
Nebrasska +5 @ Michigan State: Scott Frost got the biggest win of his career last week, a 16-23 dignity defeat to Oklahoma. He gave the usual evaluation of any shit-ass coach of any shit-ass team that simply loses a game against a good team, instead of getting humiliated: we showed the progress we are making, we can line-up against any team in the country and compete, we just have to take the next small step blah, blah, blah. Let's see if they can now actually win a game against a more-or-less equal opponent, or if the Oklahoma *win* was more a sign that Oklahoma ain't really a Top Tier team. Nebrasska.
Week 2 NFL Recap: A couple of big reversals from Week 1: Tennessee, which was embarrassed at home by Arizona, went on the road and upset Seattle. New Orleans, which over-powered Lavender Bay, was beaten up by Carolina, who held the Saints to a hard-to-believe 128 yards. Another rough week for Zach Wilson and Trevor Lawrence, as it is now crystal clear Mac Jones was the most pro-ready QB in the draft. Urban Meyer and Robert Saleh, the big name new coach hires, are 0-4 and seem a long, long way from being competitive, while the two guys I thought were the biggest joke hires, Dana Scully in Houston and Nick SomethingOrOther in Philadelphia, have their teams playing solid football. In fact, had Nimrod Taylor not got injured, the Texans might have actually beat the Browns and gotten to 2-0. On the other hand, there's FedEx heiress Arthur Smith, who is just as lousy of a head coach as I thought he would be. Derek Carr has been the best QB the first two weeks of the season. The Minnesota Vikings just refuse to win, bungling a second straight game. Dalvin Cook was a runaway train in the first half against Arizona, and yet the Vikings still trailed. Mike Zimmer just can't meet expectations. I don't know what his problem is, but he can almost-beat any team in the League. The Vikings are the greatest 0-2 team I've ever seen. A lot of frail QBs limped off the field: Arson Wentz, Tuna Gagvoila!, Nimrod Taylor, Andy Dalton. TWatt from Pittsburgh joined them, he's probably the League's highest paid malingerer now. John Harbaugh made the good tough call to go for it on fourth down at the end of the Chiefs game. Whereas Mike Tomlin made the chickenshit call to punt down 9 points with 8 minutes left in the Raiders game.
NFL Picks Week 3 (17-11-2 vs the spread for the season).
Chicago +7 @ Cleveland: I had the Browns pegged as a real Super Bowl threat before the season, but they've been underwhelming the first two weeks. Now they get Justin Fields in his first start. This should be an easy win, but I have a nagging feeling Cleveland's defense will make Fields look like RGIII in his rookie year. The Bears defense looked rejuvenated last week, rattling Joe Burrow into 3 consecutive INTs. Chicago.
Baltimore -8 @ Detroit: The Lions secondary is so crappy, Lamar Jackson will actually look like a competent passer in this game. And the Lions linebackers are so slow, he could be the first QB to get a 200 yard rushing game, but my guess is, the game will be over by half-time, so he won't need to run much. Tyler Huntley should get some playing time in this one. The Lions offense wouldn't be half-bad, if Jared gOOf didn't give the ball away multiple times a game. . .and it's not because the other team forces the turnovers, its gOOf forcing the other team to take the ball with his bizarre drops, slips, throws. Baltimore.
New Orleans +3 @ New England: The rapist Jameis Winston and the rest of the Saints offense were atrocious last week against Carolina, 80 yds passing, 48 yds rushing. . .in this Day & Age of EZ Offense in the NFL? How can a team be that bad? They were so bad, they are now a 3 point underdog to a rookie QB. The Patriots are an average team, offensively and defensively. If the Saints can't win this game, what an amazing swing in just two weeks. They looked like world-beaters in Week 1 against Lavender Bay. Sean Payton may have to move to Taysom Hill much earlier than I anticipated if the Saints continue to sputter early against the Pats. I'm taking the Saints only because they have the big edge in coaching. New Orleans.
Tampa Bay -1.5 @ Los Angeles: Kelly Stafford's first big game with the Rams. Can you imagine the hype if Kelly actually gets the better of Tom Brady? The MVP talk will start. The *Detroit Is So Gawdawful Even The Magnificent Stafford Couldn't Win There* fable will become gospel truth. I'll projectile vomit onto the TV screen if the Rams win. Tampa Bay.
Miami +4 @ Las Vegas: The Dolphins starting QB is out, and Miami is still only getting 4 points on the road against a 2-0 team. That tells you exactly what the experts think about Tuna Gagvoila! It makes no difference whether he is in there or not. I actually think his absence makes the game a little tougher for the Raiders. Jacoby Passover Brisket is a better QB. But Derek Carr is playing outstanding, MVP caliber QB, and I expect the Raiders to easily cover. Las Vegas.
Seattle -1.5 @ Minnesota: Expect both teams to score a ton of points, neither has the defense they used to. I actually think the Vikings are the better team, but they insist on losing. Well, the Vikings aren't actually a *team,* that's their problem. They are a bunch of players and coaches whose primary interest seems to be in covering their own asses. Seattle.
Green Bay +3 @ San Francisco: Green Bay's defense is truly awful. Only Jared gOOf's absurd turnovers saved them last week. I expect the 49ers to win this game fairly easily. They are much better on both sides of the ball. San Francisco.
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