Week 2 College Recap: Cutty Sark already relapsing on his QB pick of Hudson Card! After 1 1/2 games! Cutty shows he can't handle the pressure! Lock the liquor cabinets in Austin! If I was Card, I'd already be in the transfer portal, because if your coach is this weak and double-minded, why bother sticking around and letting him ruin your career? Clay Helton fired after USC's dismal loss to Stanford. Poor timing. USC is setting up the interim coach to look good, and then there will be the inevitable pressure to give him the job when the players and a certain demographic of the fan base say he is the perfect choice, and thus UCS gets an almost Ed Orgeron/for real Clay Helton 2.0. Dumb. Florida State: LOL! Teams like FSU should remind Michigan fans: you CAN do worse than Harbaugh.
College Picks Week 3 (11-10-1 vs the spread for the season): Another week of mostly shitty games.
Nebrasska +22 @ Oklahoma: What will Scott Frost's excuse be this week? Oklahoma's cheerleaders didn't douche, and their vaginas smelled so bad it gave all our players migraines. Anyway, of course Nebrasska will lose, but I am picking them to cover because their defense is average and Oklahoma is one of the softest teams in America and their coach isn't much better than Frost. Nebrasska.
Cincinnati -3.5 @ Indiana: This game will tell us how much Indiana is back to being Indiana, rather than if Cincy is legit. Cincinnati.
Purdue +7 @ Notre Dame: Notre Dame barely managed to beat Florida State and Toledo, and while Purdue is also a cream puff, they are a heavier cream than the SemenHoles and Rockets. Purdue.
Alabama -15.5 @ Florida: The Gators have rushed for 763 yards in their first two games, averaging over 8 yards per carry. . .true, both games were against tomato cans, but even against sissy teams, that's still hard to do. If they can rush for over 200 yards against the Menstrual Tide, they'll beat the spread. Florida.
Kent State +22.5 @ Iowa: UPSET SPECIAL. Iowa has no offense, and the Golden Flashes will able to score enough to cover. Kent State.
Auburn +6 @ Penn State: Penn State's defense is just too good for Never-Lived-Up-To-The-Hype Bo Nix, plus it's a White Out. Auburn is gonna get a rough dose of Northern Football. Penn State.
Week 1 NFL Recap: There were some truly dreadful performances. . .the Titans: Mike Vrabel punked by punk Kliff Kingsbury, which means it may be all over for the one-time seeming promising head coach. He has a tough guy persona, but his defense plays about as muscular as a Thai ladyboy. The Lions: for 55 minutes they were the 49ers punching bag, then they staged a mini-comeback from 38-10 that actually saw them with the ball on the 49er 25 yd line with 30 seconds to go, one score from tying the game. It's probably more that the 49ers lost interest, they were laughing at the pathetic Lions for most of the game, but at least the Leos kept trying, which is more than they did under Matt Patricia. The offense looked fairly promising, but the defense still looks absolutely horrendous. The Packers: LOL! A Super Bowl darling pick, they were plastered by a homeless Saints team. Aaron Rodgers looked like a long-haired skid row bum, and played like one. A one game aberration, or, as we thought could be possible, a team that could crack because of MeMe Rodgers off-season drama queen antics? Trevor Lawrence: He sucked. Tossed three inexcusable INTs. I've said it a few times, but the kid has not improved since his Freshman year at Clemson. Still plays the same way, showing little interest in the mechanical and mental aspects of the QB position. The guy has all the physical tools to be an All-Timer, but you wonder sometimes about these self-proclaimed Christian college heroes, guys like him and Tebow, if they think God will magically bestow success upon them. They may mistake a physical talent as a gift from God, and then they end up at a powerhouse college team, where their mistakes are swallowed up by their teams overwhelming talent edge, but they assume it's God blessing them, and that God will always order their steps to sports success. But God don't give a shit about football, and probably would rather Tebow and Lawrence worked in a soup kitchen or a mission field. At this point, Lawrence is far behind Mac Jones as a professional-ready QB, and even lags behind Zach Wilson. After one week, I rate the rookie QBs: 1. Zach Wilson 2. Mac Jones 3. Trevor Lawrence. The Giants: Steam-rolled by the Broncos, played about as inspired of football as you would expect from a team coached by a Bill Belichick clone. But the worst of all had to be the Atlanta Falcons: clobbered by a shit-ass Eagles team that tore through them with Jalen Hurts at QB. I had a feeling the FedEx heiress Arthur Smith wouldn't be able to relate to most NFL players, and it sure looked that way Sunday. The Falcons went down without a fight. Coach of the Week: Dana Scully of the Houston Texans. LOL! He (and his retread DC Lovie Smith) whipped Urban Meyer, and showed the college boy what the pro game is all about. I've never seen a Meyer team look so amateurish. I thought he would have the Jags ready. I was 100% wrong. Maybe Meyer's just mailing it in at this stage, content to cash the giant paychecks his Paki owner gives him. Whatever the reason, it was not a promising start. In fact, it was a start that looked like Meyer is isolated from his own team. But, hey, this is about Dana Scully, a laughable hire expected to put the League's worst team on the field, but the Texans looked better than most of the teams with rookie coaches. And Hell, the Texans are in the worst division, by far, in the League, so he may even win 4 or 5 more games. 6-11 could win that shit-ass division.
NFL Picks Week 2 (5-6 vs spread for the season):
NY Giants +4 @ Washington: Ryan Fitzpatrick lasted about 5 minutes, then fell down and broke a hip like an old lady. LOL! The Giants sucked against Denver. The loser of this game immediately becomes the NFC's worst team. I guess I'll take the shit-ass team getting the points. New York.
Buffalo -3 @ Miami: Miami got a bit lucky in their win over NE, the Patriots literally fumbled the game away, and Buffalo got pushed around by the Steelers. Josh Allen looked feeble. He needs to step up this week, or Buffalo's season will already be on life support. Buffalo.
New England -5.5 @ New York Jets: Zach Wilson got his ass sacked a ton, and really struggled early, but he hung in there, showed toughness, and started to sling the football pretty good in the second half, keeping the Jets in the game. Outside of his first pass, when he intentionally grounded a lateral(!), Mac Jones looked like a veteran QB. The kid throws a nice ball, and while he doesn't have a rocket arm, he showed he could make enough throws to win a lot of games in the League. The Patriots got a bargain getting him at #15. At worst, he will be the third best QB from this draft, and depending on how Lawrence progresses, or if Wilson gets crippled, he could end up first or second. The teams that passed on him for Lance and Fields made big mistakes. New England.
Las Vegas +5.5 @ Pittsburgh: The Raiders won a game even though they Raidered! Overcoming their horrible goal line gOOfs and beating the Ravens may signal they finally have a little bit of mental toughness under Jon Gruden. The Steelers defense was outstanding against the Bills. . .but their offense sucked, and Najee Harris looked like a plowhorse, like I thought he was. The Raiders have far more weapons on offense than the Bills. Las Vegas.
Cincinnati +3 @ Chicago: Joe Burrow getting 3 against Dalton-Fields?? LOL! EZ Money! Cincinnati.
Minnesota +4.5 @ Arizona: If the Vikings lose this one, the Mike Zimmer death watch begins. Arizona really surprised me with that epic beat-down of the Titans. But I have to believe it was more due to the internal problems on Tennessee being even worse than I thought. Minnesota has a better roster than Arizona. No excuses for the great excuse maker Zimmer. Got to win this one. Minnesota.
Kansas City -3.5 @ Baltimore: A brutal opening two games for the IR Ravens. (But they get the Lions in Week 3). The Raiders, after the first quarter, were clearly the better team, and they exposed the Ravens deficiencies in pass offense and pass defense. KC was gifted a win by the Browns, who once again shrank in the Big Moments. I'm not convinced the Chiefs are a powerhouse, and perhaps the Ravens could steal a win with a dominating run game. . .but I doubt it. Kansas City.
Detroit +10.5 @ Green Bay: MeMe Rodgers didn't look ready for the season to begin in Week 1. But after hearing a little Media criticism, I imagine she'll be dialed in for a Monday Night Show, plus the Lions defense is abysmal. Jordan Love could probably beat them. The Lions offense flashed some potential against the 49ers, but their only hope is Jared gOOf playing mistake-free football and the sorry-ass defense snagging a couple Packer turnovers, otherwise, this game will look pretty much like the first 55 minutes of the 49ers game. Green Bay.