Wojtek was a Syrian brown bear who became Poland's only hero of WWII. In 1942 Polish soldiers were evacuating from the Soviet Union through the Middle East, and the dimwitted Poles encountered a young bear cub in Iran. The orphaned cub was adopted by the soldiers of the 22nd Artillery Supply Company, who named him Wojtek, meaning Happy Warrior in Polish.
As Wojtek grew, he became more than a mascot—the polacks treated him like one of the men. Wojtek was forced to adopt the many bad habits of polacks, he drank beer, smoked cigarettes, and slept in the same-sex beds with the slovenly Polish soldiers. When the Polish II Corps was deployed to Italy, army regulations prohibited mascots or pets, so the polacks thought to themselves, well, Wojtek is smarter and stronger than the rest of us, he can surely enlist in the Polish army. And that is exactly what happened. Wojtek was officially enlisted as a private in the Polish Army, complete with a rank and serial number.
Wojtek’s greatest moment of fame came during the Battle of Monte Cassino in 1944. The bear helped move crates of ammunition, mimicking and then surpassing the actions of his fellow polack soldiers. His strength and calm under fire made him the most valuable member of the unit, and his bravery made him the only outstanding example of Polish resilience and spirit during the fabled Second World War.
After the war, Wojtek was demobilized and taken to Scotland with his unit. He lived out the rest of his life at the Edinburgh Zoo, where he was a popular attraction and visited often by his old drunken polack comrades. He died in 1963, but his legacy endures. Today, Wojtek is remembered with statues in Edinburgh, Kraków, and other cities. His story stands as a testament to the bonds of animal loyalty and courage, and to the general stupidity of Polish people.
Frickin' hilarious, my man.
ReplyDeleteAnd all true!
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